WARNING: A bit of whining ahead. And a pretty flower.
I've been having a tough time financially. Our bills exceed our income, and we're falling behind.
It's been difficult to try and stay positive during this time in my life, but when you have a daughter to raise you have to stay strong. I can only fake a smile for so long though, before I break down and want to cry. This summer hasn't been a completely enjoyable one but we've been trying our best to give Sidney a great vacation before school starts up in September and she's off to grade 1.
Luckily, there are many free activities in Cambridge. Free swimming, movies downtown, events at the library and there's always the park. My Mom and Grandma have also been very kind and generous with their time and money. They've been here to take us out almost every day.
I was looking for a part-time job, but with just over a month left before college I don't see the point any more. No one wants to hire someone who will only be there for a very short length of time.
So we cut back on spending, we cut back so much there's nothing left to cut back on.
To make matters worse, a few weeks ago my laptop broke. I had to buy a new one because I will need it for school.
This morning my daughter knocked my camera off of the table, and the lens broke! Which I also need for school. I can't afford to replace it.
Right after I saw what happened I ran to my room, threw myself on my bed and cried. I just couldn't take any more financial stress. I cried for a good 10 minutes, hard, painful cries that I tried to muffle in my pillow. It felt kind of stupid to cry over a broken camera lens, but I was also crying for all the other things in my life that just haven't been working out for me.
After a while I made myself stop, because I realized that Sidney was hiding in her room feeling bad for having knocked it over. I don't want her to feel bad, I shouldn't have left it out - if only I had put it away right after transferring my pictures to the computer. We had a nice little chat and she didn't feel quite so bad afterwards.
Once I calmed the two of us down I did a bit of research. Turns out I can buy a replacement piece (which is apparently called a bayonet mount) for about $10 directly from Nikon. With the many YouTube tutorials and blog articles on how to fix it yourself I'm sure my mom and I can get it put back together again. I say my mom and I because I know I lack the patience required to fix things.
And truth be told, I'm scared to tell my boyfriend that I broke our camera. He bought it for me as a gift 5 years ago and I know he will be just as upset. It sucks when something you've worked hard for, were always so careful with, and truly loved gets broken.
No point in sitting around wallowing over it though, is there? It won't change anything, it won't fix my lens or make a new one magically appear. It will only make me feel bad, and I'm so tired of allowing myself to feel bad.
Now, if I can only find a quick and easy fix for the rest of my finances - or at least a realistic solution!
This is not a great start to my new college adventure.
Oh well!
Thanks,
Cole
Cole
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I'm really sorry about your tough time Cole. A couple of years back we were on unemployment checks for two years. It was tough, but like you, we trucked on through, found the good in the bad, and some pretty awesome free things. I'm happy you mentioned the library. I'm a library science graduate and used to work at libraries and sometimes I don't think many people know just how many neat things the library offers.
ReplyDeleteI'm happy to know it was just $10 though! That's way less for a lens than I would expect.
Glad to hear you were able to get through it :) It's funny how many things you can learn about life and yourself when you're having a tough time financially. There are a lot of great programs at the library. How great was it working there?
DeleteI am super happy to have found out that it's only going to cost $10! Gotta love the internet :)
Cole -- this doesn't sound like whining to me at all -- it sounds like just sharing how you feel about the situation you're in, which isn't unicorns and magic rainbows right now. It's real life!
ReplyDeleteMan, I understand. Finances can be the biggest kind of burden and stress. It kind of takes away from everything else... What I really admire is how you're doing what you can with what you have: you're seeking out fun free activities! And I also love how you are keeping positive, looking at the bright side, and putting your daughter first -- even though you also need to acknowledge your emotions and feelings, too. This is so great and positive!
I have a feeling that things will work out for you -- and it sounds like they already have been. Sometimes the help we need or the things we want don't come in the form is ideal (like me? I'm not big on asking for help and in the past, I've felt like less of a woman to ask my mom for assistance), but sometimes it's what we need. But I have no doubt that with your attitude, things will turn up. Try to keep your head up, but I understand your pain and your stress for sure. And like you said, it's hard to stay strong all the time, especially with a daughter -- so let yourself be supported. You have things like this blog as an outlet, as a way to help others lift you up when that seems hard to do on your own. :) **Hugs**
--Erika
http://www.chimerikal.com
Thanks Erika! :)
DeleteFinances can definitely be a pain when you just don't seem to have enough. I have never liked asking for help either, it makes me feel like a failure. But it's better than actually failing because you refused help from those who have offered.
True! I've had to swallow my pride a lot more lately now that I am a grad student, but I find it's easier to take when I'm grateful for it rather than ashamed of needing it. Even just inside I feel better! :)
DeleteIt is upsetting to your family when you don't ask for help. Family wants to help and feels bad when they find out that you did without when they could have helped - if only they knew.
ReplyDeleteLove you Cole
I'm slowly starting to realize this :)
DeleteAwww. I’m really sorry to hear about that! So how’s your camera lens now? Were you able to get it fixed? Or did you fix it yourself? Yeah, I agree that it’s easy to do DIY repairs nowadays, considering the number of video tutorials on the internet. You got to have a steady hand, though. I hope all’s better now with you.
ReplyDeleteCordia Remsen