The Life Makeover Plan

 

Any time a big life changing event happens to me (like breaking up with someone), I often do a lot of reflecting.

 

This is probably one of the biggest changes I have experienced. Within a week I started college, and have become a single parent living on my own! That's a lot to take in. But I noticed that being in school has helped me to feel hopeful, inspired and even distracted enough to get through the day.

 

As I looked around my emptier apartment after dinner I started to feel sad, and began reminiscing on all the good times Nick and I shared throughout our life together. Knowing that those times are long gone, and there's nothing I can do about it, I decided I had to do something to get through this time in my life.

 

Clearly the site of my apartment was triggering these emotions. It's a big unorganized mess right now. So I dove in and rearranged some furniture. And let me tell you, moving a queen sized bed and a desk by myself was hard work! And it's over 30 Celsius (feels like 40!) outside right now (which is really weird for this time of year)! But it made me feel better.

 

And so I decided that my apartment needs a complete makeover.

 

But like I always do, I started thinking and looking even deeper into my problems. Not only is my apartment a mess, but my life is a big mess, too.

 

There are so many things in my life that have been making me unhappy for so long that I got used to it and it just became the norm. Like my weight gain, and my not so pretty wardrobe. I've been slacking in the parenting department, too. And I never go out with my friends any more. Not to mention, my finances are a disaster!

 

That is why I decided I need a complete life makeover.

 

Now, some people are probably thinking "Don't take on too much!" Which is good advice, but I know myself pretty well now and if I don't keep myself busy I will fall into a horrible, deep depression. Which is kind of how my life got into such a big mess in the first place! I haven't had a job or been in school for almost a year now. Being a stay at home mom has never felt right for me, either. And besides, it's just me and Sid now. I might as well pay a little more attention to myself!

 

And so I looked through all of the different areas of my life and chose 6 that really needed some attention.

 

Those 6 areas are:

1. Health
2. Parenthood
3. Relationships with friends and family
4. Home
5. Money
6. School

Each month I will write out one goal for each area of my life that needs work. I'll aim to achieve those goals of course, but I know that sometimes things just can't get done. In which case, that goal can get bumped into the next month or maybe I'll try something different and get back to it later. That happens sometimes, you feel like you're ready to do something and then later on realize you weren't.

 

For the rest of September my goals are:

 

1. Health: Pick up exercise bike from my aunt's house and go on it for 15 minutes a day. Not a long time, but enough time to get me started. Any longer than that and I might not even bother!

 

2. Parenthood: Work on our evening routine. You know, supper, tidy up, bath time, story, bed, etc.

 

3. Relationships: Start making plans with friends again.

 

4. Home: Rearrange furniture and organize belongings in bedroom and living room.

 

5. Money: Send out resumes for a part time job, for no more than 12 hours a week (I don't want to exhaust myself). Pretty sure I will need all the money I can get at this point! AND work out a monthly budget to help keep spending under control.

 

6. School: School is just on here so it doesn't get neglected. Basically, show up every day on time, hand in homework on time.

 

That's my plan for the next 20 days. If everything goes over smoothly, hopefully I will have built a few new good habits and accomplished some stuff, and can add 6 more goals for October!

 

What areas could you work on in your life?

 

Thanks,
Cole

Moving Forward and Staying Positive

Warning: Personal Post

The reason I'm sharing this personal and emotional story is because those of you who do follow my blog, I just want you to know what is going on in my head over the next little while. Why I'm doing the things I'm doing and such. And it's also why I haven't been posting much lately. I felt I needed to say this for you to understand what's to come. Things are going to be quite different around here... in my life, in my head and on my blog.

I never thought I would write a post like this in my life, but here it goes.

Earlier this year many things happened that weren't exactly positive. Nick and I leaned on one another for support to get through that time. After we managed to get our own aparmtnet, the two of us couldn't wait to dive into our new life together.

But this summer was a strange one. One filled with heavy emotions, good and bad, and eventually Nick and I came to the realization that while we do still love and care for one another, it just isn't working any more. The attraction and pull towards another that we used to share has simply faded away and though we tried to bring it back it just wouldn't. Maybe it just couldn't. And so we eventually agreed that it's time we went our separate ways.

At first the idea of breaking up with the person I thought was my one true love was absolutely devastating. I didn't (don't?) want to lose him because not only is he the father of my child, my first love and support system, he was my absolute best friend. I say don't because I wish things could go back to the way they were, that we could feel those feelings and want the same things in life, but it just isn't going to happen. It's not going to be easy to lose that part of our relationship and while we have to maintain a respectful relationship for our daughter I know that Nick and I can no longer be close like we used to.

Breaking up comes with many challenges though and depending on the situation those challenges can greatly vary.

For Nick and me, our life was built around one another. Everything we have we have purchased together or for each other, or received as joint gifts. We've grown up together, since I was 16 and he was 19.We have a daughter together, a whole life together. And now we have to figure out how to separate all of that as equally and fairly as possible.

Not to mention the emotional aspects of breaking up. Anyone who has ever broken up can surely relate to those feelings. While this break-up is mutual, it's still extremely difficult for me. I'm losing someone after all.

Most people won't understand why two people who love and care for each other are breaking up. Sometimes I don't even understand it.

It feels right though.

In simple terms, we grew apart. We want different things in life now, and trying to mesh our very different ideas and goals together was exhausting and frustrating.

I'm still scared. I've never lived on my own before. I definitely won't be reading any Stephen King novels for the next few months. I have no idea how I'm going to make things work financially, but I'm sure it is possible. I don't know how to be by myself, I've been in a relationship for almost one third of my life.

I'm also a single mom now. Sidney is taking it surprisingly well at the moment, but I have no idea how she's going to feel about it later on. And of course, as well as helping Sidney deal with this change, I have to allow myself to grieve. There will be nights when I will curl up in my bed and cry, or when I feel the need to beat up my pillow, but within time I'm sure it will become less frequent and eventually it will stop.

This is new and scary territory for me, one I've never explored before.

I came up with a plan though. A plan to help ease the pain of my loss, and to help me move forward in a positive way. Hopefully with all of my plans working in action, I will come out a better person.

Tomorrow I will be sharing my plan with you guys.

 

Thanks,

Cole