Accepting Your Parenting Style

Everyone is different. We all have our special talents, our likes and dislikes, personalities and behaviours. Nobody was raised the same way. Not even my sisters and I. We all have different backgrounds and histories. We all have different DNA. Our minds, our thoughts, the way we think, are different too.

Sometimes I have a difficult time remembering this. I judge myself too harshly. I criticize myself more than I should. I want to be a better person and a better parent becuase I see how other people raise their children and I assume I must be doing something wrong.

But the truth is, there isn't just one way to parent your children. There really is no one right way. 

I don't necessarily enjoy sitting down to play dolls. I get irritated whenever I let Sidney help me in the kitchen. I hate messy crafts.

It's true that there are many things I don't like to do and I used to think that it made me a bad parent. That a good parent would just suck it up and do it anyway. 

But there are other things that I do enjoy! I enjoy watching movies with her, particularly nature documentaries. I like going for long walks outside. Visiting the market, the library, vintage shopping. I don't care for messy crafts, but I like to sit and draw with her.

And I noticed that when we do activities we both enjoy, it's a lot more fun than when I force myself to do activities I don't. And that Sidney has other people in her life who do enjoy doing those things.

Other times I feel like I let her eat too much junk food, stay up too late on weekends, I don't discipline her enough when she starts misbehaving. 

I'm guilty of all of these things, but I try my best to offer her a variety of healthy foods. Throughout the week she has a strict bedtime that we stick to. And maybe I am fairly lenient when it comes to discipline, but Sidney doesn't act up too much anyway. Or at least in my opinion, I'm sure my sisters and mom might say otherwise.

I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that I'm not perfect. I'm going to make mistakes. But more importantly, I'm learning that I'm actually doing okay. I might not be the best mom, but I'm a pretty good one (even if I do have to put myself on time-outs now and then).

Do you criticize and judge yourself on certain things?

Thanks,
Cole

Reasons to Feel Grateful During College Crunch Time

 

 

Lately I've been feeling really stressed out with the amount of school work I have to complete.

Every night I have piles of homework, big projects and presentations with deadlines that are quickly approaching. And every day in class I try my hardest, but sometimes it isn't enough. Sometimes I don't get a very good grade, or I feel completely lost. School is tough at times.

But one thing I always remind myself, especially when my desk is covered in papers and my calendar shows I have two tests and a project due the next day, is that I am so happy to be in college!

I worked so unbelievably hard to get to this place.

 

And I am extremely grateful to be here.

Something I have learned recently is that the things that seem the most difficult, the things we have to work the hardest at, are usually the things that have the greatest rewards.

 

It's always good to remind yourself why you are doing what you are doing instead of just thinking about how difficult it seems. And to always remind yourself that you are stronger than you think and you can handle more than you believe - so clear your head and just do it.

 

I know for myself that starting college was really scary. I kept thinking about how much everything was going to cost, how difficult it would be to balance school and family life as a parent, how I would get to school, if I was smart enough, and so many other worries were in my head.

 

One thing I knew for sure though was that I wanted to go to college. I wanted it so bad, and I was willing to work hard to make it work. And the funny thing is, I surprised myself.

 

Yes, now that it is officially halfway through term one I do have a lot of homework, assignments and tests, but I have also settled into a comfortable routine that makes everything balance.

 

I've never been good at time management, and I do still struggle with it, but I'm making it work! And I'm getting better at it every day.

 

All of the things that worried me don't even seem that bad any more. I mean, school is expensive and I have to be super careful with my spending, but I'm learning to budget myself and how to handle my finances better.

 

It's funny all of the other things college can teach you outside of your school work. While I'm learning how to use recording equipment, CP Style and Canadian law for journalists, I'm also learning how to better organize, how to manage my money, how to be healthier, how to multi-task, and even how to relax and have fun.

 

So I am truly grateful for this experience and all of the lessons I am learning along the way.

 

Did you ever experience a time you didn't think you could get through? How did you handle it? Did you come out stronger?

 

Thanks,
Cole

Moving Forward and Staying Positive

Warning: Personal Post

The reason I'm sharing this personal and emotional story is because those of you who do follow my blog, I just want you to know what is going on in my head over the next little while. Why I'm doing the things I'm doing and such. And it's also why I haven't been posting much lately. I felt I needed to say this for you to understand what's to come. Things are going to be quite different around here... in my life, in my head and on my blog.

I never thought I would write a post like this in my life, but here it goes.

Earlier this year many things happened that weren't exactly positive. Nick and I leaned on one another for support to get through that time. After we managed to get our own aparmtnet, the two of us couldn't wait to dive into our new life together.

But this summer was a strange one. One filled with heavy emotions, good and bad, and eventually Nick and I came to the realization that while we do still love and care for one another, it just isn't working any more. The attraction and pull towards another that we used to share has simply faded away and though we tried to bring it back it just wouldn't. Maybe it just couldn't. And so we eventually agreed that it's time we went our separate ways.

At first the idea of breaking up with the person I thought was my one true love was absolutely devastating. I didn't (don't?) want to lose him because not only is he the father of my child, my first love and support system, he was my absolute best friend. I say don't because I wish things could go back to the way they were, that we could feel those feelings and want the same things in life, but it just isn't going to happen. It's not going to be easy to lose that part of our relationship and while we have to maintain a respectful relationship for our daughter I know that Nick and I can no longer be close like we used to.

Breaking up comes with many challenges though and depending on the situation those challenges can greatly vary.

For Nick and me, our life was built around one another. Everything we have we have purchased together or for each other, or received as joint gifts. We've grown up together, since I was 16 and he was 19.We have a daughter together, a whole life together. And now we have to figure out how to separate all of that as equally and fairly as possible.

Not to mention the emotional aspects of breaking up. Anyone who has ever broken up can surely relate to those feelings. While this break-up is mutual, it's still extremely difficult for me. I'm losing someone after all.

Most people won't understand why two people who love and care for each other are breaking up. Sometimes I don't even understand it.

It feels right though.

In simple terms, we grew apart. We want different things in life now, and trying to mesh our very different ideas and goals together was exhausting and frustrating.

I'm still scared. I've never lived on my own before. I definitely won't be reading any Stephen King novels for the next few months. I have no idea how I'm going to make things work financially, but I'm sure it is possible. I don't know how to be by myself, I've been in a relationship for almost one third of my life.

I'm also a single mom now. Sidney is taking it surprisingly well at the moment, but I have no idea how she's going to feel about it later on. And of course, as well as helping Sidney deal with this change, I have to allow myself to grieve. There will be nights when I will curl up in my bed and cry, or when I feel the need to beat up my pillow, but within time I'm sure it will become less frequent and eventually it will stop.

This is new and scary territory for me, one I've never explored before.

I came up with a plan though. A plan to help ease the pain of my loss, and to help me move forward in a positive way. Hopefully with all of my plans working in action, I will come out a better person.

Tomorrow I will be sharing my plan with you guys.

 

Thanks,

Cole

Some... Interesting News

I'm moving out of my parent's house. Again.

And I'm terrified, but it feels right. When I moved out at 18 years old my boyfriend was making pretty good money, and I was excited to be on our own. I felt freedom in an entirely new way. Running my own home was amazing and I loved everything about it.

Due to many circumstances, the biggest one being money and job loss, we moved back into my parent's house about a year ago. I have found it difficult to be living with my parent's now that I've had that experience. There is often conflict and arguements over simple things between my little family (Nick, Sid and I) and my parent's family (Mom, Dad, sister and niece). We have different tastes in food, different schedules, ways of cleaning, decorating, organizing, parenting, cooking, playing ... Just about everything! And because this isn't "my house", as my dad so often liked to remind me, I don't have a lot of say in things.

I'm not trying to complain, I am beyond grateful for my mom's support and will always be thankful, but I feel it's time to get out on our own again.

This time we have very little money, but I found a cute little duplex in a century old home that we should be able to afford, and I instantly fell in love with it. It's everything I want in an apartment and I can't wait to start my "new" life there. Actually, I don't have too much longer to wait because we move May 1!

So, if you've noticed my lack of online activity you now know why. Over the next little while I will still continue blogging but because I won't have my own internet connection for a bit it won't be quite as often. Probably closer to 3-5 times a week instead of every day. 

Thanks,
Cole

Onions Sprouting? Let's Grow Them!

My Onions Have Sprouted

What to do when you're onions sprout? I know that once they've begun to sprout they begin to lose their flavour and their nutrients.

There are basically two things you can do with them at this point:

1. You can grow them in your garden or, 
2. You can eat the green part.

Unfortunately you can't regrow an onion, but they will flower and you can harvest their seeds to try and grow new onions next year.

I decided to try and grow mine. 

To start, place your onion in a cup of water.

After a few days roots will begin to come out the bottom.

Now you can plant them in the ground. It's too cold outside right now for my onions to grow so until the weather warms up I've got them in little pots at the front window. In May I can transfer them to the garden.

Just so you know, I am an amateur and don't know exactly what I'm doing. It's more of an experiment the kids and I am doing together. So I guess we'll have to just wait and see what happens! And if things get real messed up I have a couple more onions sprouting again.

Thanks, 

Do You Dare to Dream?

Life's Unexpected Moments

Life doesn’t always work out how we expect it to. Sometimes we end up in places without knowing how we got there or why we were lead there. At times it can seem completely unfair as if you’re the unluckiest person alive, but there are times when you will feel the opposite and wonder how you ever got so lucky.

I have had days, months and even years where I stopped to reflect on my life and wondered those same things. Why did this happen to me? What did I do to deserve this? It can be extremely depressing, but then again, it can be extremely uplifting.

The one thing I do know is that no matter how difficult things are, or how awful things feel, it never lasts forever and most likely I come out stronger, wiser and a better person because of it.

When I got pregnant at 16 I thought that my life was over. In my mind I would have to give up every dream I had to support this child. That my life’s purpose was only to care for this little human being that was beginning to grow inside of me.

From that moment on every decision I made was made with my daughter’s needs as my top priority.

She needed a healthy mom, I became healthy. 

She needed an educated mom, I made sure I graduated. 

She needed material things, I made sure I could afford those things.

I thought, “It doesn’t matter what I want anymore because the only thing I truly want now is for my daughter to grow up happy and healthy.”

It took me a long time to realize that I could still dream, and pursue the things I wanted, and by doing that I was being an even better mom.

For the first couple years of my daughter’s life I never considered that I could have a career as a writer or an artist, because in my mind that wouldn’t make me enough money. I thought the best way to make sure she had a good life was for me to suck it up and find a 9-5 job that paid decent whether I enjoyed it or not.

And do you know what happened?

I burnt myself out.

I became so depressed that I quit my job, moved out of my apartment and back home with my mom and decided to rethink my life. I was just that unhappy.

It’s been almost two years now since that mental breakdown and I’m still in the process of working towards my dream, but at least now I recognize that I’m allowed to have one and I know what I want to do in life.

I want to write, I want to take pictures, I want to be creative and I want to own my own business. These are things that I want. Just for me. It isn’t going to happen overnight, nothing ever really does, but working towards it is half the fun! Learning new things, meeting new people, having new experiences.

Now my family and I are facing another challenge - getting our mortgage caught up. It’s terrifying and needless to say it’s been causing me a lot of stress and anxiety, but no matter what the outcome is somehow we will make it through this. What other choice do we have?

Life sure can be scary at times, but what the heck, might as well enjoy it!

What are some of your dreams?

Thanks,

Early Spring Scavenger Hunt in the Woods

Scavenger Hunt

 

Playing in the forest.

Having a scavenger hunt can be a great way to spend a couple of hours outdoors. Sidney and her cousin had a lot of fun running around and looking for the items on our list.

Here's the list we used. Feel free to use it.

How To Get Your Kids To Behave

The Chore Chart

 
Making a chore chart for my five year old daughter Sidney was probably the best idea I have ever had! Since making her chore chart a few months ago she has been more than willing to clean up her toys, get ready for bed on time and just generally help out more around the house. I wrote about it back in November and you can read about her first chore chart here.

Here is a list of things I've put on her chore chart:

Backpack - put lunch bag and backpack away after school.

Shoes/Coat - put shoes and coat away

Table - Help set and clear the table

Meals - Help prepare meals

Yard work - raking, gardening, shovelling snow.

Water Plants - pretty obvious.

Laundry - help sort laundry, load washer, dryer, put laundry away.

Homework - She's in Kindergarten but she loves working in activity books after school from the dollar store.

Pets - feed pets

Toys - clean up toys

Bedtime - Bedtime was becoming a real issue for us! She never wanted to go to bed and would give me a hard time about brushing her teeth. Now that I've added bedtime on her chore list it's been a lot easier.

Free Printables:

I recently made this cute chore chart for Sidney which now hangs on the fridge. Feel free to grab one if you'd like.

Thanks, 

Parents Should Stop Judging One Another

 

As Humans, We Judge.

People are always so quick to judge. We judge other people on how they dress, what they eat, their parenting style, their jobs and income, hobbies and likes. It’s a never ending list of things to judge someone on. I’m just as guilty of this as anybody else.

But then…

I had a very wise teacher while I attended an adult learning center to complete my high school credits and graduate. He told my classmates and I that it wasn’t fair to judge people on our beliefs and values, but to judge them on their own. At first I was a little confused by this and while I don’t completely agree with this statement 100%, I finally understand what he meant.

For Example.

If I were living in another country, the laws and beliefs there would be different. I wouldn’t be allowed to go there and follow the laws and beliefs that we have here in Canada without some consequences because they simply do things differently over there.

Another Example.

I’m a one-man kind of girl. And my hubby, Nick, is a one-woman kind of guy. So that works out well for us, but if another couple decides to have an open relationship and the two of them are completely okay with that, as well as the other people they see, who am I to judge them?

However, it would be wrong for one person in the relationship to believe they are allowed to see other people, but their significant other is not allowed. That’s what is known as hypocrisy.

Am I making myself understood or am I just babbling now? Anyway… Back to my main point.

As Parents, We Judge

There are a million different ways to raise a child, and 999, 999 of them are all correct.

I believe that being a parent is the most difficult job there is and it’s also very scary. Make one wrong mistake, and you feel like the biggest failure of all time. We all want what is best for our children; for them to be healthy, happy and successful (whatever that means), and our children are heavily dependent on us parents to provide them with the skills and knowledge to achieve those things.

I think any parent would agree with me when I say that there isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t question my parenting ability and second guess every decision I make.

It’s even more difficult when there are a thousand different resources with a thousand different opinions on parenting. To make matters worse, we have every other mom out there watching our every move, ready to pounce on all of our choices and criticize our decisions. Instead of supporting and helping one another, it feels like other mom’s are all out to get one another. Does anyone else ever feel this way?

So from my own experience I have come up with a short list of the things I feel parents judge other parents on the most.

Top 4 Things Parents Judge Other Parents On:

Eating Habits

This starts right from infancy. There’s the whole breastfeeding over formula arguments, and even though it has been proven time and time again that breast milk is healthiest it’s not always the right decision or even an option. For example, my older sister was not able to produce breast milk for some strange reason, so she had no choice.

Then it starts up again with when to introduce solids, and you know that whole, “only introduce one new food a week” topic that I seemed to forget to do… There’s the whole, “OMG you let your one year old drink apple juice?!” topic, and when is it okay to allow your child to start eating “junk” food?

It only gets more complicated as they get older, too. I really don’t know why other parent’s are so concerned with what other people are feeding their children. How about we give advice to one another on what foods we like to feed our kids, with some tips and tricks we know, but in the end butt out and worry about your own family? Sounds like a deal to me.

Activities

This can range from things like sports, dance classes and other after school activities, but it also includes how we choose to let our children spend their spare time.

Some parents might think I let my daughter watch too much television, but then there are parents who have the TV on all the time.

I don’t like the cold, or winter, so we don’t play outside very much in the winter and some people might think that that’s awful. In the summer we’re outside all day though; swimming, playing, going to the park or the beach. 

Bedtime Rituals

Some people think it’s wrong to have children co-sleep with their parents after a certain age, while others are fine with it up to age 6. Personally, once my daughter turned 6 months old I put her in her own bedroom and forced her to fall asleep by herself. My mom thought I was mean because I was okay with letting her cry herself to sleep. Of course I checked on her regularly! First every five minutes, then ten, then twenty… Eventually she was able to fall asleep right away on her own.

It’s not your responsibility to decide what is right for other families. My daughter’s bedtime is 8:30p.m. because she functions well off of 11-12 hours of sleep. My niece’s bedtime is 7:30p.m. because her school starts earlier. Maybe your child only needs 7 hours of sleep, or maybe they need 14 - you know what’s best for your child so don’t worry about what other people say.

Discipline

I think this is a big one. Disciplining a child is tricky, I know! My daughter has tantrums quite often, and most of the time I just don’t know how to deal with them. I actually have to try and cut sugar out of her diet because she goes nuts and starts misbehaving immediately after she’s had a couple pieces of candy.

I try to do the whole time-out thing, but she won’t sit still and just screams non-stop. I can’t tame her with love, you know, hugging her tight and trying to calm her down because she goes even crazier. Most of the time the only thing that works is to bring her into a quiet room where there is nobody else, turn on a cartoon and just have her veg out for 10 - 15 minutes. 

Every child is different. Every family is different. Therefore every body’s rules and upbringings will be different.

We can give advice on what works for us and our family and children, but we can’t expect it to be the only right way to do things. It’s not fair to judge other parents. Variety and diversity is what makes the world go round, and it’s what makes life so amazing. Plus, it never hurts to keep an open-mind and try new things.

Do you have any opinions on this?

Thanks,

Teen Mom Interview - 1

 Teen Pregnancy/Motherhood Interview

I've been wanting to interview other teen moms to post on my blog to give a little insight on what it's really like. Since I know a few other moms in real life who got pregnant as teenagers, I hope to get a few interviews from them but figured it might be helpful and encouraging for others to step up if I interviewed myself first. 

Cole's Teen Pregnancy Interview

Pregnancy to Teen Mom

How old were you when you found out you were pregnant?

I had just turned 17 when I found out I was pregnant.

What was your initial reaction?

I was really, really shocked! They weren't kidding in health class when they said you could get pregnant your first time. 

In all honesty, my first reaction was to terminate my pregnancy. I wasn’t ready to be a parent. I felt as if I could barely take care of myself let alone a baby who would be completely dependent on me for everything.

How did your baby’s father react?

My boyfriend had the same reaction I did. He wasn’t ready to be a dad, just like I wasn’t ready to become a mom. He supported every decision I made though, even after I decided to keep our baby.

What made you decide to go through with having a baby?

Honestly, it wasn’t until I saw the ultrasound that I chose not to get an abortion. I think that’s when I realized that there was a little person inside of me, and that little person was my baby and I didn’t want anyone to ever hurt her.

How did your friends and family react?

Nick and I didn’t tell anyone other than our two best friends about our pregnancy for the first five months. At that point there was no way I was going to able to hide an enormous pregnant belly, especially as the months got warmer and I had to start dressing in tank tops and shorts. 

At five months pregnant though, everyone had suspicions. I had quit partying, smoking and hanging out all of a sudden with no real reasons as to why. My parents obviously noticed these things, too. Then there was the big weight gain, mostly in my stomach area, and my eating had increased a lot, too.

When Nick and I finally decided to tell people mostly everyone was excited. My mom took me maternity clothes shopping. I honestly thought my mom and dad would be furious, but they were very supportive.

What steps did you take to prepare for motherhood?
 
Nick got a fulltime job that made really good money so he could financially support the three of us. We bought a car, and made sure to have all of the materialistic things needed to raise a baby; crib, blankets, bottles, etc. My friends and family members bought us a ton of stuff for our baby shower. Honestly, we didn’t even have to buy much. We were incredibly lucky.

The biggest thing was mentally preparing myself. I had never really been around babies or children before. I had no idea what I was doing, so I just dove headfirst into a ton of pregnancy and parenting books, especially What to Expect When You're Expecting . I watched movies and television shows, but those mostly just scared me. I talked to my mom a lot about what to expect, and went to a couple appointments at the hospital to set up everything. And of course I always made to see my doctor regularly. I used to get my Grandma to drive me to my appointments before I told anyone I was pregnant. I told her it was for counseling.

When you were pregnant, did you notice that people treated you differently because you were young?

There were a few nurses at the hospital that were really rude. I did notice a lot of stares from people on the streets, but no one ever said anything. While finishing my last semester at school I was able to hide my growing stomach under baggy sweaters, so I didn't have to deal with classmates saying anything. If anyone had noticed, or had an opinion on my early pregnancy, they never said anything to my face. 

How did becoming a teen mom affect your life?

Becoming a mom would change anyone’s life dramatically. The biggest thing though was not having my own place to live, or a high school diploma. Those things made me feel bad, and so I forced myself to become a much more responsible person. I rarely went out with friends, became a much more clean and organized person, and for the first time in years I had goals that I wanted to achieve like becoming healthier and looking into careers.

Did you have to take time off of school or were you able to graduate high school on time?

I did drop out senior year because I wanted to be home with my baby to raise her. Through correspondents and then later an adult learning center I was able to get all of my high school credits and graduate.

What was the hardest part of being a teen mom?

Having to give up a lot of my spare time. I wasn’t used to being so selfless, but I quickly got used to my new mommy routine. I missed seeing my friends a lot, and not getting out as much. Being a mom can also be very mentally and physically draining, too. I had never felt so busy in my life.

What are your plans for the future?

I’m in the process of applying to college right now. I want to go to school for journalism and become a fulltime writer. We’re trying to pay off our credit card debt, and save for our own apartment or house right now, too. Mostly, I just want to be able to provide everything Sidney needs to be a happy and healthy child. 

There it is, my interview with myself. 

If you were a teen mom and would like to answer the same questions feel free to contact me. You can send me a picture and I can link the interview back to your website/blog if you want. Or if you would prefer to stay anonymous that's fine, too.

The point of these simple interviews is to help give people an honest perspective of teen moms and hopefully erase some of the stereotypes us teen moms get thrown into. 

Thanks, 

Mixed Emotions That Come With Pregnancy

Gigantic Pregnant Belly!

I felt like writing this post because I think that pregnancy can be an interesting topic, and although my pregnancy was back in 2007 I still remember it quite clearly (and maybe my journals helped with my memory a bit).

Anyway…

 

Nine months of pregnancy can seem like a lifetime while it’s happening. 

It can be the most difficult nine months of your life (so far). There’s a rollercoaster of emotions that comes with pregnancy. You’re excited yet terrified. Then you’re happy but sad. You feel ecstatic and at the same time devastated. Or at least I went through all of that, but that might of had something to do with being a teen girl who never planned on having a baby or a husband.

Does anyone ever actually plan on having children? Okay, there are probably a lot of people who do, but I know for a fact that there are also a ton of people who didn’t. 

 

I for one did not plan on having a child.

Well, I was 17 at the time and who really plans on getting pregnant at 17? Not many people around here.

If I didn’t “accidentally” get pregnant I don’t think I would have ever chose to have a child. I was never fond of children. Now I know that I would have missed out on a lot of wonderful things if life had it worked out that way. (You can read more about this here).

Finding out you’re pregnant unexpectedly can be one of the most terrifying feelings. Ever watch the movie Knocked Up? Guaranteed everyone’s experience is different, but sometimes our reactions and feelings can be very similar. 

When I first became pregnant it was like some how I just knew.

Or maybe I was just super paranoid. Well, the first sign was that my stomach felt weird. I felt queasy often, but not in a flu-like way, just a little nauseous now and then. After I missed my period I started to panic, but I kept my cool by reminding myself that I was still very irregular. Two weeks, still no period; I bought a pregnancy test. I still remember that day very well. I asked my mom for money so Nick and I could shop at Value Village, and then we walked across the street to Shoppers Drug Mart to purchase my first and only pregnancy test.

That pink cross felt like a nightmare, a curse, like I was being punished for all the bad things I had ever done. I just wanted to crumple up into a ball and disappear. I felt like my life was over. Morning sickness didn't help me feel any better, either.

I thought to myself, there goes “the best days of my life.” 

No more high school parties, no crazy college experiences or partying in my early twenties at the bar.

Alright, all that didn’t sink in until farther along (and looking back, I haven‘t missed out on anything). My initial reaction was to terminate my pregnancy, but you can’t book your appointment until after you’ve gotten an ultrasound.

So that’s what I did. I refused to go through my family doctor in case he ever mentioned something to my mom or dad and ended up going into a walk-in clinic.

It was love at first site. 

It was at that moment I decided there was no way I could go through with it. One glimpse at the ultrasound and the flicker of her heart beat forced me into motherhood.

I was terrified to tell Nick I wanted to keep our baby. We had just started dating, but I knew I had to tell him sooner or later. I made it clear to him that having the baby was all my choice and I didn’t care if he stuck around or not (although I secretly hoped he would). And obviously he did because 6 years later here we are.

There are times I think to myself, “If only Sidney came after college.” That way I could have had an easier time raising her; having an education, maybe some money and a job, but it didn’t work out that way. 

I believe things have worked out for the best.

Did you plan your first pregnancy? What was your initial reaction?

Thanks,
Cole

Mom is the Most Annoying Word

"Mom" can be the most annoying word in existence.

You know when your baby is first learning how to talk, you're so desperate for them to learn the word mommy or daddy? Well, when Sidney first started to talk I, too, couldn't wait for her to learn how to say mommy, and my mom, Grandma, Aunt and every other mom in my life warned me that I would soon hate it. I considered that, but I still couldn't wait.

No doubt, hearing her say "I love you mommy" will always make my heart skip a beat, but then there are the times when all she says is "Mom! Mom! Mom!" And I try to respond but she won't shush even for a second so I can get a word in. So I have to yell, "What do you want?!"

And then Sidney will say, "You don't have to yell, Mom." all mature and grown-up-like.

I really believe she does this just to annoy me, because afterwards she'll start giggling.

Why not "Dad"?

It's obvious why she comes to me for things instead of her dad. I raised her full-time while he worked crazy hours. I've always been the one to feed her, dress her, play with her, take her out shopping or to the park, read her bedtime stories, bath her, etc. A mom's job is never done. It would be nice though if she could start asking her dad for things. Why is it I'm the one who has to jump up to get her a drink? Her dad is just as capable. And he'll do it if I ask him, I'm not saying he won't help out his kid. I'm just saying Sidney doesn't ask him nearly as much as she asks me for things.

Not only things but for attention.

Did you ever notice when you're trying to do something, that's when kids want your attention the most? For example, if I'm on the computer checking messages while she is home she will be doing the whole "Mom! Mom! Mom!" thing and start yanking on my sleeve, whining that she's bored and wants to play, then she's thirsty, hungry, tired, wants a movie on and it doesn't end until I get frustrated and close my laptop.

However, if I'm just sitting on the couch staring off into space she will amuse herself. She'll help herself to an apple, manage to fill her own water bottle, she'll sit and play nicely. That's when you think you can get up and sneak in some dish washing time, but when she notices you have left the couch she follows and it starts again.

This rarely happens to Daddy. He can play darts out in the garage, surf the net, play his bass guitar and do basically anything he feels like with very minimal interruptions from Sidney.

I love being a mom (most of the time), but I sometimes wonder what it would be like to be the dad instead.

Oh well, I stay happy knowing he will get his torture time come the teenage girl years. I've been a teenage girl (not so long ago) and he's in for one hell of a time! Ha ha ha!

Does your child(ren) do this to you, too?

Thanks,



What Age Would You Drop Off Your Child For Birthday Parties?

First Birthday Party Alone

 

Sidney's Birthday Party

My daughter is going to her friend's birthday party, without me, by herself!

What age is a good age to drop your child off at a party alone?

I guess that depends on the parent and what they are comfortable with.

For myself, I would want to get to know the family first. In this case I have talked to the parents a little bit. Sidney attended the same birthday girl's party last year and I had stayed with her the entire time.

I would want my child to feel comfortable there. My daughter is kind of shy, she doesn't go up to other adults easily when she wants or needs something. Making sure she's okay with being left there for the party first is very important to me. In this case, I talked to Sidney about it. I asked her if she felt alright with going alone. She's actually excited because she's a big kid now. I also talked to her about not being afraid to ask for a drink, or where the bathroom is. Last thing we both want is for her to have an accident because she's too shy to ask.

I would need to know where the party is being held. Is it some place public? At their house? Will she be supervised closely or in a large playground with a hundred other kids? This is important to know because you want to know it's going to be someplace safe and where your child will feel comfortable.

I think it's a good idea to ask the host if you should stay or go. Some parents will state on the invitiation if they would prefer you to accompany your child. Asking when you call to RSVP is a good idea. When I threw Sidney's birthday just a few months ago I told the parents they could stay if they wanted to, because I knew I felt comfortable in watching the kids with Nick's help but if they felt uncomfortable leaving their child alone they didn't have to.

I also feel more comforted when I know who else is attending. Who are the other kids? My child's closer friends from school, or are there children attending who Sidney doesn't get along with? Also, which other parents are attending? Do I know any of them? I feel that also has a lot to do with whether I stay, or just drop her off.

When I bring Sidney to the birthday party, I will probably hang around for at least a half an hour, to check out who's there, make sure Sidney is comfortable and get a feel for things. I can't help but feel a little cautious.

What age would you allow your child to attend a party alone? And what are some things you factor in?

Thanks,

Being An Introvert And How It Affects Parenting

My Experience As An Introverted Parent:



Quiet Time

First of all, I think it’s important to explain what exactly an introvert is and to debunk some of the myths.

In simple terms an introvert is a person who becomes energized by being alone, and exhausted by external stimulation - being around other people. They enjoy thinking, exploring their thoughts and feelings. Introverts are not always shy, stuck up, anti-social, loners, nerds or weird.

While I am shy, and probably very weird, I am also an introvert. That’s just my personality.

For the longest time I actually thought something was incredibly wrong with me. How was it that I could literally, and physically feel drained after being around other people? Why did talking with people at work, and school and even my own family and friends make me feel so tired? And being alone doing the same things make me feel energized? I noticed this happening, but I didn’t know there was a term for it, and that other people also experienced this.

Then I learned I’m an introvert and there’s nothing I can do about that.

My real concern is, how does being an introvert affect parenting? I’d be lying if I said Sidney didn’t tire me out. And living at my parents house again, being around more people, tires me out even more.

It’s hard to explain I guess. While I absolutely love my daughter, and adore spending time with her, there are days when I would love to just be alone.

To make things even more difficult, my husband and child both appear to be extroverts. Sidney is constantly demanding my attention. She doesn’t understand why mommy would ever want alone time, because she hates to be alone.

So I started to do some research on parenting as an introvert. I got some great tips to meet both my introvert needs, and my child’s extrovert needs.

• Make sure your child gets lots of time with other people whether it’s a playgroup, with family, or after school activities.
• Thank goodness for school, and that my daughter can spend a major part of her day with a classroom full of other people - if you work at home, enjoy the quiet while it’s there.
• Take the time to be alone and don‘t allow yourself to feel guilty - you will be a better parent this way because you will be more energized and happy.
• Have your spouse spend some quality time with your child so that you can have some time to yourself, whether it’s to read a book, take a bath or simply sit and think.
• If you have to, hire a babysitter and instead of going out with other people, go out alone for a couple hours.
• Skip the busy, crowded gym and workout at home alone - walking, jogging, yoga.
• If your child is old enough to have friends over without being supervised really closely, have them in another room where you can still hear and be aware while still having quiet time.
• Do not try to parent like an extrovert and always (physically) be there 24/7. While family time is important, and yes parenting is a 24/7 job, alone time is important, too.
• Hopefully you have a job where you get to work alone most of the time, or with few people. Allow this to be your refuge. I used to love working alone up in the photo lab with no one there but me, myself and I. We had great conversations.
• It actually helps to have the television and radio off. For some reason even added noise to a room all ready full of people can add to my exhaustion.

The end result is this; while spending quality time with your child(ren) is extremely important, so is self-care.

Just like bathing, exercising and Friday date nights are important, so is quiet alone time.

Do you consider yourself to be an introvert or an extrovert? And does it affect your parenting?

Thanks,

　

The Importance of Friends, And Why I Don't Have Any

Making Friends Is Hard:

 

My Friends and I - 2011

One of my biggest challenges right now as a young mom is making friends who I can not only get along with well, but relate to on some level.

The women who are close to my age (between 20 and 25) either do not have children, or they’re just starting to have children. So, they’re either out partying and in college, working a full-time job, or changing poopy diapers and playing peek-a-boo. For reasons unknown I feel like we’re on completely different maturity levels, or just simply in different phases at the moment.

Then the mothers who have children close to Sidney’s age are much older than me. I have tried talking to mother’s at Sidney’s school, and before at play groups, but there were no clicks - we had nothing in common.

I spend most of my time by myself during the day, which is fine and I actually like it. But then there are times when I would love to just go out for coffee with a friend, or hang out with someone while our kids can play together, and most of all have someone I can talk to (other than Nick and my Mom).

When I do go out it’s usually with my Grandma or my Mom. Sometimes I hang out with my sisters, but not very often. Then there is the very odd time I do go out with my friends from high school, but it’s usually after Sidney has gone to bed and it’s for an hour or two - or it’s a special occasion like a birthday, or New Year’s Eve.

I knew when I was pregnant at 17 years old that I probably wouldn’t have as many friends after I became a mother, and it was true. Turns out most of those people weren’t my friends anyway, and I wasn’t all that heartbroken to lose contact, even if I was bored at times.

I kind of took friendship for granted at that time. I was so busy being a mom and a wife that I didn’t really miss my friends. Then for a while I was hanging out with different friends quite often. They would stop by for dinner, or coffee. We would walk to the park and play with Sidney, and talk. Then all of a sudden everyone got too busy for us. The tables have turned now.

I feel that having friends and a social life is important, but how does someone like me, a young mom, meet friends? I don’t have a job where I’m introduced to new people. I’m currently not in school. We don’t go to play groups any more, and for the next couple months Sidney’s not in any after school activities.

Besides, even when I did have a job, was in school and going to playgroups or activities I never made any friends.

What’s a young mom supposed to do?

Thanks,

My Bad Temper And Feeling Guilty

I lost my temper this morning.

Yesterday the school had sent a letter home saying the teachers would be on strike today, and there would be no school. So I let my daughter stay up a half hour later than usual. However, early this morning I found out that teacher's were no longer going on strike and that students were expected to go to school. 

Sidney was really tired when I woke her up, and disappointed because I made the mistake of telling her last night she was going to get to stay home today. This made for a really cranky little girl. She was giving me attitude, whipping her shirt in my face while I tried to dress her and screaming at me. 

I completely lost my temper. No matter what I said or tried I couldn't get her to listen or treat me with respect. 

She ended up being late for school, and we parted angry and upset with one another. This is the first time I have sent her off to school feeling that way and now I don't feel angry, just childish and sick to my stomach. I feel so guilty, and unworthy of forgiveness. I'm the parent here, right? Why didn't I act like it? 

I definitely need to refresh my memory on how to deal with this type of behaviour properly, and push my own tiredness away the next time.

In the mean time though, I get to pick Sidney up in ten minutes and all I want to do is hug her so tight, and never let her go and to apologize over and over again.

Does anyone else ever have days like this? Do other parents lose their temper, and feel quilty afterwards?

Thanks,