Accepting Your Parenting Style

Everyone is different. We all have our special talents, our likes and dislikes, personalities and behaviours. Nobody was raised the same way. Not even my sisters and I. We all have different backgrounds and histories. We all have different DNA. Our minds, our thoughts, the way we think, are different too.

Sometimes I have a difficult time remembering this. I judge myself too harshly. I criticize myself more than I should. I want to be a better person and a better parent becuase I see how other people raise their children and I assume I must be doing something wrong.

But the truth is, there isn't just one way to parent your children. There really is no one right way. 

I don't necessarily enjoy sitting down to play dolls. I get irritated whenever I let Sidney help me in the kitchen. I hate messy crafts.

It's true that there are many things I don't like to do and I used to think that it made me a bad parent. That a good parent would just suck it up and do it anyway. 

But there are other things that I do enjoy! I enjoy watching movies with her, particularly nature documentaries. I like going for long walks outside. Visiting the market, the library, vintage shopping. I don't care for messy crafts, but I like to sit and draw with her.

And I noticed that when we do activities we both enjoy, it's a lot more fun than when I force myself to do activities I don't. And that Sidney has other people in her life who do enjoy doing those things.

Other times I feel like I let her eat too much junk food, stay up too late on weekends, I don't discipline her enough when she starts misbehaving. 

I'm guilty of all of these things, but I try my best to offer her a variety of healthy foods. Throughout the week she has a strict bedtime that we stick to. And maybe I am fairly lenient when it comes to discipline, but Sidney doesn't act up too much anyway. Or at least in my opinion, I'm sure my sisters and mom might say otherwise.

I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that I'm not perfect. I'm going to make mistakes. But more importantly, I'm learning that I'm actually doing okay. I might not be the best mom, but I'm a pretty good one (even if I do have to put myself on time-outs now and then).

Do you criticize and judge yourself on certain things?

Thanks,
Cole

The Life Makeover - November

I feel like I set myself achievable goals for the month of October, and yet I don't necessarily feel like I've done a very good job at achieving them. I suppose I could blame it on my heavy school load this month, but that doesn't really feel right either. I think I just didn't pay enough attention to my goals.

What I feel good about:

I like to think I did more fun activities with Sidney this month. Our evening routine is still going well, and adding fun activities to our schedule has made our days more enjoyable. We like to do a lot of drawing, we play board games and watch Halloween movies. We got outdoors a few times, we went shopping a couple of times and Sidney got to spend a lot of time with other family members.

And Sid's party was a success! It was exhausting but a lot of fun.

I spent time with my family a bit more this month than in September. Sidney loves going over to play with her cousins, and I get to relax and hangout with my sisters and mom. It's relaxing at their house and I'm not sure why I didn't make time to go over there before.

Big Fail:

I haven't been eating breakfast every day. It's a hit or miss really.

And I didn't get any filing done.

I'm Okay With It:

Other than splurging on Sidney's birthday party, I really didn't spend any money on myself. I did have to pay a big chunk of money on my car which was quite unfortunate and took a big dent out of my bank account, but what can you do?

I managed to apply for a few awards and bursaries. There are still some others I can apply for this month. My assignments are all getting handed in on time, I haven't been missing any classes but I am still procrastinating a lot of my assignments.

November Goals:

1. Health: I need to start eating a healthy breakfast in the mornings! But this month I also want to start eating healthier in general. I need to spend more time on planning healthy meals and snacks and to cook more from scratch. I hate cooking and lately I've been making a lot of processed foods. Not very good, I know!

2. Parenthood: Our evenings are going smoother than before. We're making an effort to go out and have more fun. What I could really work on this month is to sit down with Sidney and help her with homework more often. She doesn't get very much homework, and we always get it handed in on time, but I buy activity books for Sidney to help her with spelling and math equations that I would like to spend more time on. And we should be reading more, too.

3. Relationships: This month I read The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin for the Self-Love Book Club and there were a lot of really great ideas in there. For example, Remember Birthdays! This month I would love to email everyone I know to get their contact information and birthdays so that I can send out Christmas cards and wish my friends and family a happy birthday every year. I think it's such a great idea because I know how much I love receiving Christmas cards and birthday wishes.

4 Home: Since my filing goal last month was a huge fail I need to work on that this month. Problem is, I never learned how to properly do it. So, I'm going to have to do some research or even ask my mom for help and get it done! I think having a proper filing system in place will keep me much more organized and I can pay my bills on time.

5. Money: Continue to look for work. Find ways to make money. I need to replenish my bank account after that car incident which ate up so much money. Also, I need to call the bank and figure out my car payments because the place where I had my car loan was sold to another bank and I still haven't got that taken care of.

6. School: School is going well. Some classes more so than others. One thing I could work on top of my goal to stop procrastinating, is to pay more attention in class and take better notes. Every classroom has a giant Mac computer on every desk and I often find myself on Facebook and Twitter.

Overall, October was a fantastic month! Some things didn't get accomplished, but the ones that did were worth the tiny bit of extra effort. Now that it is November, and Christmas is coming up, there is going to be a lot of things to juggle. But in the end, it's all worth it!

How did the month go for you? Did you manage to accomplish any goals this October?

Thanks, 

Cole

Weekly Wishes #9 - Stop Procrastinating!

Last week, and the week before, I really want to purchase a new backpack. Unfortunately, I am a very picky person when it comes to bags apparently! So, this will have to be an ongoing goal until I know I've found the perfect one for me.

This week's goal is to STOP PROCRASTINATING!

I realize this goal is pretty vague, but I am seriously so bad at this and I think that if I make a conscious effort to do things ahead of time instead of last minute, I might actually do it.

I've noticed there are several reasons I procrastinate. And here they are:

Last Minute Preparations:
I think I have lots of time to do things, so I hold off from doing it because other things seem more urgent. Next thing I know, it's only a day away and I'm not at all prepared.

For example: I have a test tomorrow in my Law and Ethics class. Normally I study on the bus to school in the mornings and I've been getting 96% repeatedly. However, last week I only got 88% and so I've decided I should probably be studying more. Obviously these grades are pretty good, but I know I am not putting as much effort into it as I could be by waiting until last minute. Maybe I will study tonight?

Wanting It To Be Perfect:
There are times I want things to be perfect and I have a difficult time starting. And then I realize I've held off for so long that I don't have any time left and have to rush. If I just got rid of the idea of things being perfect I would be able to start sooner and the end result would no doubt be better.

Example: I have an interview with Tara Jefferson from theyoungmommylife.com tomorrow evening for a class assignment, and I've been struggling to come up with good questions. My quest for having perfect questions is keeping me from starting and now I only have one day left.

Unorganized And Poor Time Management:
Other times I just completely forget about things because I don't keep track of my planner, or check my calendar regularly. Then when I do remember, it's usually right before! Why do I always remember last minute?

Example: Sidney had picture day last week. Normally I get her all dolled up that day but I completely forgot and so I sent her to school in her regular clothes. I didn't remember until we were already there and she was pretty disappointed that she wasn't wearing a fancy dress. Bad mom moment. This could have clearly been avoided if I only looked at my calendar the night before or even the morning of!
If I really want to accomplish this goal this week, I'm going to have to keep these three things in mind.

I also need to finish The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin and write my review on it this week. I've been really taking my time on this book and I still have more than a hundred pages to read! I hope I can finish it on time.

Do you have similar problems? How do you work around it?

Thanks,
Cole

The Life Makeover - October

 

 

My goals for September were somewhat achieved. Some things I feel were accomplished quite well, and others were not.

 I Feel Great About:

One of the most important goals that I made for myself was a success! I wanted to develop a comfortable evening routine with my daughter. One that consisted of dinner, homework, and a suitable bedroom routine (bath, snack, brush teeth and hair, bed). And making lunches the night before is a major plus! Towards the end of the month, I even started adding some activities to make our evenings more enjoyable.

Making time to see my friends has been really great, too! It can get lonely living on your own with no adults around to talk to, so it was really important for me to get out and see people. Every weekend I managed to see at least one friend, sometimes way more! Sidney really enjoys getting out to see our friends, too.

Big Fail:

My big fail was not picking up my exercise bike, which means I didn't use it for 20 minutes a day.

I'm Okay With That:

My apartment got a bit more organized. I bought a few small things for around my place that makes me happy! And I did switch around some of the furniture. I didn't get nearly as much done as I initially wanted to, but I'm okay with the results.

My budget got done, but like I mentioned, it was pretty loose and I could have done a better job.

It's now October and I have new goals:

1. Health: I still want to get that damn exercise bike! It will get done this month! But my main health goal for October is to eat a healthy breakfast every day, which is something I've neglected to do since school started. Awful, I know! In the mornings I get Sidney all set up for breakfast and while she eats I do my hair and makeup. However, if I get up 15 minutes earlier and do that before Sidney wakes up then the two of us can sit down and eat together. Which is really good parenting, too.

2. Parenthood: I mentioned that my last month's goal for parenting was to develop a better evening routine, and that has worked out awesome, and I also mentioned we started to do more fun activities in the evenings and it's been a lot more fun. So that is my goal for October - do more fun activities with Sidney! It's October, the best month of the year! Walking trails are gorgeous, the weather is amazing and all sorts of fun things are happening! Corn mazes, haunted houses, apple picking! So much to do!

Plus, I have a birthday party to plan for Sidney, who will be turning six on Halloween!

3. Relationships: I've made time for friends, but I forgot to include my family. I haven't seen my parents or sisters all month! In October, I want to see family more often. And because Sidney and I will be doing all sorts of fun fall activities, I'm sure my family will want to get in on the fun.

4. Home: My redecorating and organizing has been going well - let's continue with that. But more specifically, I want to organize my filing bin and set up a more organized system for all that junk.

5. Money: Budget has been made! Now it's time to stick to it... My spending got a little crazy this past week. And I only sent out a few resumes. With the holidays approaching more places will be hiring, it's time to get looking for work! As a single mom, I need moneyyy!

6. School: I'm getting things in on time, and have yet to be late. However, I keep leaving projects until last minute so I need to stop procrastinating. And there are a ton of bursaries, scholarships and awards deadlines coming up in the next two months. I need to get my applications filled out and sent off to at least give myself a chance of getting some extra money for school!

Do you have any goals this month?

Thanks,

Cole

Week 1 Review of The Life Makeover

I've been working on my goals, slowly but confidently. With so many new projects coming up at school, it can feel overwhelming having to deal with my personal projects, too. But these projects are important to me, and they're important for me. For Sidney, too, because she is so greatly affected by every choice I make. Do you know how stressful it is knowing that you are not the only one affected by your decisions? It's tough!

 

Surprisingly, I'm managing much better than I ever thought I could.

You never know what you're capable of until you try it. That's something I'm constantly reminding myself, but it's true!

 

September Goal Update Week 1:

 

1. Health: I still have not picked up my exercise bike! Maybe this weekend? Even though this isn't part of my goal this month, I just want to say that I can really feel a difference in my health from the amount of walking I've been doing since school started!

 

2. Parenthood: Sidney and I have developed a comfortable evening routine. Not only that, but I've been making a conscious effort to be more patient, and to not skip any part of the routine because I'm too lazy or tired. That used to happen a lot. I'd feel tired and grumpy and so I would promise to read Sid double the bedtime stories the next night. It always made me feel guilty and I hate feeling guilty. Or sometimes I would decide to make Sidney's lunch in the morning, so I could relax sooner, but the next morning would be hectic and I'd curse myself for not doing it the night before. This week has been great though.

 

3. Relationships: Over the last little while I haven't done much with any of my friends. Since deciding this had to go on my Life Makeover list, I've made plans for Saturday and even messaged a friend I haven't seen in months. We're making plans to go to the movies sometime soon.

 

4. Home: My living room is slowly coming along. I have a little work space I've been putting together in the corner, which is something I wanted to do when we first moved in. But Nick claimed this spot for his music (guitar, amp, records, stereo, etc.) and so I settled my desk in the bedroom. Now this corner is all mine! Ha ha ha!

 

5. Money: Okay, this has proven to be the most difficult task so far! I did send out two resumes earlier this week, and will continue to browse job listings. Now the hardest part has been this damn budget! I bought a book (way to spend less, eh?) called Debt-Free Forever by Gail Vaz-Oxlade (from Til Debt Do Us Part! Love that show.), and I thought it would quickly show me how to make a quick budget. Turns out it's so much more complicated than that. This book has steps, and while I probably could skip ahead, I decided it was better to read through it and complete the activities in order. My budget might not get finished for a while, but I still have 17 days left and I want to do it right.

 

6. School: Like I mentioned in my Life Makeover introductory post, school is just on this list so it doesn't end up getting neglected as I move further along with my goals and get more involved. You'll be happy to hear that I have been early for every class since the beginning, and have handed in every (two) assignments in on time! Plus I've done all the reading ahead of schedule, and have even taken it upon myself to do extra assignments that are not required. I'm not bragging or anything, I just LOVE this program!

 

It's incredible how amazing I've felt this week. I'm excited to get up in the mornings and rarely sleep in! I love going to school early, and I love coming home. My apartment is slowly making it's way to how I want it to look, which has made it much more enjoyable around here.

 

And I have to say, going over my finances for the first time... ever... feels really good. It's scary at first, and the numbers are a bit shocking, but at least knowing what I owe gives me something to work with and that's good. Now to find out what I bring in... Hopefully that number is shocking in a good way. ;)

 

Yes, I'm still sad sometimes. It would be weird if I wasn't. But I'm practicing gratitude and being more optimistic. It's kind of like a fresh start, and I'm really glad that I started school at the same time. I think if I weren't in school I would be a complete train wreck over this breakup, but school keeps me focused and positive.

 

How's your week going? Have you managed to tackle any goals today?

 

Thanks,

Cole

How To Get Your Kids To Behave

The Chore Chart

 
Making a chore chart for my five year old daughter Sidney was probably the best idea I have ever had! Since making her chore chart a few months ago she has been more than willing to clean up her toys, get ready for bed on time and just generally help out more around the house. I wrote about it back in November and you can read about her first chore chart here.

Here is a list of things I've put on her chore chart:

Backpack - put lunch bag and backpack away after school.

Shoes/Coat - put shoes and coat away

Table - Help set and clear the table

Meals - Help prepare meals

Yard work - raking, gardening, shovelling snow.

Water Plants - pretty obvious.

Laundry - help sort laundry, load washer, dryer, put laundry away.

Homework - She's in Kindergarten but she loves working in activity books after school from the dollar store.

Pets - feed pets

Toys - clean up toys

Bedtime - Bedtime was becoming a real issue for us! She never wanted to go to bed and would give me a hard time about brushing her teeth. Now that I've added bedtime on her chore list it's been a lot easier.

Free Printables:

I recently made this cute chore chart for Sidney which now hangs on the fridge. Feel free to grab one if you'd like.

Thanks, 

We Don't Have Cable

We Haven't Had Cable Since 2006

And we don't miss it.

In 2006 after my parent's business didn't work out they had to cut costs and cancelled our cable. At first I was kind of sad. There goes nights of mindlessly channel surfing when there's nothing to do. But I quickly got used to it and started borrowing DVDs from friends and the library. 

Now we can watch our favourite television shows online, and movies too. There is no need for cable. We don't sit in front of the television like zombies any more. No more mindless channel surfing. We have our favourite shows, we hear of a good sounding movie and we watch it. Not having cable eliminates so much wasted time.

Sidney Has Never Had Cable

My daughter has never known cable. We only had cable for about 2 months when we first moved into our apartment because of the previous tenants cable hadn't run out yet. She was only one year old at the time and doesn't remember. 

Last week Nick, Sidney and I stayed at my older sister's place to watch my niece while she was in the hospital having her baby, a beautiful little girl! My sister and her boyfriend love cable. So we got to live like "normal" people for a couple of days and watched  nonstop television shows. It was a fun vacation, but in the end I don't miss it (very often).

What's a Commercial?

The funniest thing happened while staying at my sister's house. We had put some kid channel on the television for the girl's to watch. I don't even know what channel it was, or what show it was; some cartoon or other. A few minutes into the show Sidney runs up to me and says, "Mommy! The channel changed and I didn't even touch the remote. Help me get my show back on." And when I went over to see what she was talking about I realized it was just a commercial. Sidney had never seen a commercial before that day and had no idea what it was!

She got used to them quick enough though as they advertised McDonalds, Fruit Roll Ups and toy after toy. And every commercial I had to listen to, "Mommy I want that! Can I get that? Mommy look! I want it!"

Let's just say I'm glad to not have cable.

And another good thing about having no cable, my daughter doesn't have a clue who Justin Beiber, Selena Gomez or One Direction is. 

Do you have cable? Pros and cons of having cable?

Thanks, 

Day 17 - Why and When Did You Start Blogging?

31 Day Blog Challenge - March

 

The Art Piece we did at D3 Artworks Inc. I'm the short one on the left.

When and Why Did I Start a Blog?

I started reading blogs more than two years ago on a regular basis. Blogs were more appealing to me because you could find all these interesting ideas, crafts, tips and recipes, but it was because of the actual blogger that I wanted to stick around and read more. 

The summer of 2012 while working at D3 Artworks Inc. I really got back into being creative and wanting to write more. One of my co-workers had a blog and that's when I decided that I wanted one too. Working at D3 also gave me the self confidence I needed to be able to put myself out there, because before I was too scared to actually write a blog.

I'll admit, I had a couple of blogs before this one but none of them were really me and I couldn't commit to writing on them regularly. Around the time I opened my vintage Etsy shop in October, I decided I should have a blog just for my shop. That blog is still around, my mom writes on it more than I do, but it's strictly for the shop. 

Then in November I finally realized what I was passionate about. I may not have one singular hobby or interest that takes up a lot of my time, but I do have a little someone who does; Sidney. 

Being a young parent, or a parent in general, is what motivates me. In the end, all of my decisions are based on what would be best for Sidney. Whether that decision is to go to school, start waking up earlier, setting a good example by eating healthier, going green or moving towards a more minimalist lifestyle.

I obviously don't have the best advice to give when it comes to life. I can probably tell you more on what not to do than what to do, but I can share my experience. I don't know what sharing my experience has to offer anyone, but I'm having fun doing it.

And that is why and when I started blogging.

Why and when did you start blogging?

Check out my previous challenges:

Day 1 - Portrait
Day 2 - Favourite Quote
Day 3 - What Makes Me Happy
Day 4 - Best Childhood Memory
Day 5 - Favourite Movies I Never Get Sick Of
Day 6 - Random Acts of Kindness
Day 7 - My Dream Job
Day 8 - Pet Peeves
Day 9 - What's on Your Life List?
Day 10 - Daily Routine
Day 11 - The Last Books I've Read
Day 12 - Something I Miss
Day 13 - Regret
Day 14 - Music
Day 15 - I am Awesome! 
Day 16 - My Biggest Accomplishment 

Thanks, 

Day 16 Blog Challenge - My Biggest Accomplishment

31 Day Blog Challenge - March

 

My Biggest Accomplishment

My daughter, Sidney, is my biggest accomplishment. 

It's been tough, being a young parent, but Sidney has turned into an amazing little girl. She's kind, smart, happy, healthy and thriving. As most of my readers will know, I had my daughter when I was 17. It was terrifying, and amazing all at the same time. 

Sidney is my greatest accomplishment not only because of how awesome she is, but because of all the things she has taught me and motivated me to do.

Having Sidney in my life has been an amazing adventure.

Another great accomplishment of mine is graduating high school, which was just last year. I dropped out to raise Sidney the way I wanted to. Finishing high school wasn't easy, but I want to be able to provide the best for my daughter.

And, I'm going to college this September!

Check out my previous challenges:

Day 1 - Portrait
Day 2 - Favourite Quote
Day 3 - What Makes Me Happy
Day 4 - Best Childhood Memory
Day 5 - Favourite Movies I Never Get Sick Of
Day 6 - Random Acts of Kindness
Day 7 - My Dream Job
Day 8 - Pet Peeves
Day 9 - What's on Your Life List?
Day 10 - Daily Routine
Day 11 - The Last Books I've Read
Day 12 - Something I Miss
Day 13 - Regret
Day 14 - Music
Day 15 - I am Awesome! 

Thanks, 

Life Makeover

I’m in the process of rebuilding myself.  

I want to be healthier,

Fitter,

Calmer.

I want to be happier,

Optimistic,

Positive.

I want to simplify,
Organize,
Clean.

 

I want to be at peace with me,

My life,

My surroundings.

The truth is, I am a very negative person. I stress myself out over everything. I don’t know how to relax or enjoy myself. Worst of all, I forgot how to live in the moment.

In order to fully enjoy my life, and to teach my daughter to be a happy and good person, I know that I need a complete life makeover.

It’s difficult, and it’s tiring. And some days all I want to do is crawl deep under my covers and sleep, but I know that when I wake up I will still have the same problems (probably more) and the only difference will be missing out on the good things that do happen.

So obviously there are some changes that need to happen.

Things I want to change (which is everything) include:

• Money and Finances
• Career and Work
• Relationships
• Health (Mind and Body)
• Optimism and Gratitude

I guess for myself a big part of parenting involves the morals and lessons you teach your children.

Since children mostly learn from example it’s really important to me that I become a better role model. It’s not like I let my child watch R rated movies and play with matches, but I do let her hear me talk negatively, eat junk food and watch too much television. 

I don’t want her to pick up my bad habits. Like every parent, I want what is best for her. 

And for unexplainable reasons I feel like this is the year where I finally settle into my own skin, and become the person I always wanted to be. In the process I will also help my daughter become a better person, too.

Thanks,

Week In Review - College Application Accepted!

Week in Review:

I've seen a lot of blogs do this and I love reading them! So I thought it would be fun to start doing it.

Personal Life:

Parenting - The weather has been strange this week. The beginning of the week was warm and raining. Now it’s freezing out and snowing - a lot! So basically, we’ve been stuck inside. Doing crafts, watching TV and lazing about. And FYI - I am so sick of the movie Hotel Transylvania.

Growth - I am in the process of organizing my life and everything in it. I want everything to be clean, organized and simple by the time I start college. So far I’ve weeded out my movies, books and music and filed all my paperwork but there is still so much to do.

Health - There’s a chance that I may have a thyroid problem. I’m showing a lot of the symptoms. Plus my sister has a thyroid problem and I’ve read that it’s genetic. Which could explain my weight gain, or maybe I just want something to blame other than my laziness... Anyway, it’s almost time for that dreadful annual check-up, so I’ll bring it up to my doctor when I see her. It’s also time for a dental check-up, too. It’s always one thing or another…

Professional:

Work - I've been doing the awful January job search. Anyone who has ever tried to get a job within the retail industry in January knows what I'm talking about! All I need is a job that pays me by the hour until I can go to college this September.

College - As far as college goes, my next appointment is in a week. I'm still working on that paperwork. There are all these questions on it! Like, "Tell us about your educations plan." and "How did you come with this plan?"

I don't really know what else to say other than "I want to go to this college, because it's close to home." I'm pretty sure the answer can't be that simple though. And then I have to prove that upon receiving my diploma I will be able to find a job within that field and not have wasted their money. I’m really stressing out about this. If I can’t write killer answers to these questions, there is a good chance I won’t get my funding application accepted.

Good news though. I’ve been accepted into the college program of my choice, and just confirmed it!

Etsy - We’ve got a bunch of new items we plan on listing within the next week. I’ve also finished retaking all the pictures, too. Or at least almost finished. I have a few more items that I need to retake.

New Items:

Libbey Glasses

Anchor Hocking Candy Dish

Hand Crafted Ontario Wooden Bowl

Mid Century Square Wire Bowl

Pyrex Percolator

So that’s what’s going on right now.

What’s new with you?

Thanks,


PS - Today is our 6 year anniversary. No biggie. :)

What Age Would You Drop Off Your Child For Birthday Parties?

First Birthday Party Alone

 

Sidney's Birthday Party

My daughter is going to her friend's birthday party, without me, by herself!

What age is a good age to drop your child off at a party alone?

I guess that depends on the parent and what they are comfortable with.

For myself, I would want to get to know the family first. In this case I have talked to the parents a little bit. Sidney attended the same birthday girl's party last year and I had stayed with her the entire time.

I would want my child to feel comfortable there. My daughter is kind of shy, she doesn't go up to other adults easily when she wants or needs something. Making sure she's okay with being left there for the party first is very important to me. In this case, I talked to Sidney about it. I asked her if she felt alright with going alone. She's actually excited because she's a big kid now. I also talked to her about not being afraid to ask for a drink, or where the bathroom is. Last thing we both want is for her to have an accident because she's too shy to ask.

I would need to know where the party is being held. Is it some place public? At their house? Will she be supervised closely or in a large playground with a hundred other kids? This is important to know because you want to know it's going to be someplace safe and where your child will feel comfortable.

I think it's a good idea to ask the host if you should stay or go. Some parents will state on the invitiation if they would prefer you to accompany your child. Asking when you call to RSVP is a good idea. When I threw Sidney's birthday just a few months ago I told the parents they could stay if they wanted to, because I knew I felt comfortable in watching the kids with Nick's help but if they felt uncomfortable leaving their child alone they didn't have to.

I also feel more comforted when I know who else is attending. Who are the other kids? My child's closer friends from school, or are there children attending who Sidney doesn't get along with? Also, which other parents are attending? Do I know any of them? I feel that also has a lot to do with whether I stay, or just drop her off.

When I bring Sidney to the birthday party, I will probably hang around for at least a half an hour, to check out who's there, make sure Sidney is comfortable and get a feel for things. I can't help but feel a little cautious.

What age would you allow your child to attend a party alone? And what are some things you factor in?

Thanks,

Being An Introvert And How It Affects Parenting

My Experience As An Introverted Parent:



Quiet Time

First of all, I think it’s important to explain what exactly an introvert is and to debunk some of the myths.

In simple terms an introvert is a person who becomes energized by being alone, and exhausted by external stimulation - being around other people. They enjoy thinking, exploring their thoughts and feelings. Introverts are not always shy, stuck up, anti-social, loners, nerds or weird.

While I am shy, and probably very weird, I am also an introvert. That’s just my personality.

For the longest time I actually thought something was incredibly wrong with me. How was it that I could literally, and physically feel drained after being around other people? Why did talking with people at work, and school and even my own family and friends make me feel so tired? And being alone doing the same things make me feel energized? I noticed this happening, but I didn’t know there was a term for it, and that other people also experienced this.

Then I learned I’m an introvert and there’s nothing I can do about that.

My real concern is, how does being an introvert affect parenting? I’d be lying if I said Sidney didn’t tire me out. And living at my parents house again, being around more people, tires me out even more.

It’s hard to explain I guess. While I absolutely love my daughter, and adore spending time with her, there are days when I would love to just be alone.

To make things even more difficult, my husband and child both appear to be extroverts. Sidney is constantly demanding my attention. She doesn’t understand why mommy would ever want alone time, because she hates to be alone.

So I started to do some research on parenting as an introvert. I got some great tips to meet both my introvert needs, and my child’s extrovert needs.

• Make sure your child gets lots of time with other people whether it’s a playgroup, with family, or after school activities.
• Thank goodness for school, and that my daughter can spend a major part of her day with a classroom full of other people - if you work at home, enjoy the quiet while it’s there.
• Take the time to be alone and don‘t allow yourself to feel guilty - you will be a better parent this way because you will be more energized and happy.
• Have your spouse spend some quality time with your child so that you can have some time to yourself, whether it’s to read a book, take a bath or simply sit and think.
• If you have to, hire a babysitter and instead of going out with other people, go out alone for a couple hours.
• Skip the busy, crowded gym and workout at home alone - walking, jogging, yoga.
• If your child is old enough to have friends over without being supervised really closely, have them in another room where you can still hear and be aware while still having quiet time.
• Do not try to parent like an extrovert and always (physically) be there 24/7. While family time is important, and yes parenting is a 24/7 job, alone time is important, too.
• Hopefully you have a job where you get to work alone most of the time, or with few people. Allow this to be your refuge. I used to love working alone up in the photo lab with no one there but me, myself and I. We had great conversations.
• It actually helps to have the television and radio off. For some reason even added noise to a room all ready full of people can add to my exhaustion.

The end result is this; while spending quality time with your child(ren) is extremely important, so is self-care.

Just like bathing, exercising and Friday date nights are important, so is quiet alone time.

Do you consider yourself to be an introvert or an extrovert? And does it affect your parenting?

Thanks,

　

Growing Up and Moving Forward

Young Mom Growing Up:

Growing Up


I consider myself incredibly lucky. 

I've been able to (mostly) stay at home to raise my daughter since she was born. I have had odd jobs over the past three years, but for the most part I have been a stay at home mom. 

I was there to watch her first steps, 
hear her first words, 
comfort her through her first cold and 
raise her myself the way I wanted to. 

Not a lot of parents get that opportunity. A lot usually have to go back to work after their maternity leave is over within a year, but because I was a teen mom (and a high school dropout) I didn't have to worry about that. 

I'm not saying it was easy. 

We had our financial struggles but to me time spent with my daughter was more important than money spent on her, as long as she had everything she needed (and she did). 

While I enjoy working outside of the home part-time simply to get out of the house and interact with other people who aren't family, I just can't stand the thought of a full-time job away from Sidney. That's why I've been trying to find ways to make money from home, like so many other parents. But that takes time.

Now I have to face reality. 

I need to make more money, which means I need to find a job. 

On Wednesday I went to find out about college funding and if I'm eligible for living allowance while I am in school. This will pretty much determine how the next year goes. If all goes well I will be attending college this September. If not I have to look into a part-time program and hit the pavement for that dreadful full-time employment. Let's root for option 1!

Yes, college will take up a lot of my time. I'll either be in classes or doing homework but I know I'll be working towards something better. 

It's very scary, and very exciting and when I think about it too much I feel an anxiety attack building inside of me. Will I go to school? Or will I have to get a job? These thoughts can consume me if I let them.

So I try to push it out of my mind and try to focus on other things. Simply because I won't know the answer until later. Still, I can't help but obsess and clench my jaw, and give myself a headache!

Do you ever stress yourself out over things you have no control over?

Thanks, 

My Bad Temper And Feeling Guilty

I lost my temper this morning.

Yesterday the school had sent a letter home saying the teachers would be on strike today, and there would be no school. So I let my daughter stay up a half hour later than usual. However, early this morning I found out that teacher's were no longer going on strike and that students were expected to go to school. 

Sidney was really tired when I woke her up, and disappointed because I made the mistake of telling her last night she was going to get to stay home today. This made for a really cranky little girl. She was giving me attitude, whipping her shirt in my face while I tried to dress her and screaming at me. 

I completely lost my temper. No matter what I said or tried I couldn't get her to listen or treat me with respect. 

She ended up being late for school, and we parted angry and upset with one another. This is the first time I have sent her off to school feeling that way and now I don't feel angry, just childish and sick to my stomach. I feel so guilty, and unworthy of forgiveness. I'm the parent here, right? Why didn't I act like it? 

I definitely need to refresh my memory on how to deal with this type of behaviour properly, and push my own tiredness away the next time.

In the mean time though, I get to pick Sidney up in ten minutes and all I want to do is hug her so tight, and never let her go and to apologize over and over again.

Does anyone else ever have days like this? Do other parents lose their temper, and feel quilty afterwards?

Thanks,

Play Time is Over

Sidney - December 29, 2012

Winter break is finally over and I am so glad! I’m not the only mom who feels that way, right? ‘Cause that might look bad. But as much as I love my daughter and spending time with her and my nieces, I am all kid-pooped-out and can’t wait to get back into a more “work”-like routine.

I have a lot of things I plan to work on now that I have some time to myself. There are items I want to get up on my Etsy shop; Little Shop of Treasures. Which means cleaning them, taking pictures and editing, researching, writing descriptions, titles, tags, coming up with a price and then advertising. There’s actually quite a bit of work to this side project but because it’s so much fun I don’t mind at all and even look forward to it.

I also just want to mention that over the holidays we got up to 13 sales! It’s such a great feeling seeing the number of sales and money we’ve made. I hope to get up to 50 sales this year for my vintage shop, or more! That would be wonderful.

My other shop is coming along nicely, too. I’ve been busy making bracelets, and am pretty sure I can get it up and running by the weekend. I hope many people will take the time to check it out, and that they like what they see.

Most importantly though I want to take the time to write more. Plan out better posts for my blog, and take the time to write for myself - short stories, poetry and my novel. For as long as I can remember I have wanted to be a novelist, or at least a professional (as in paid) writer of some sort.

Well, that’s it for now!

Thanks,

Cole

　

Happy New Year! 2013

Happy New Year!

It's officially 2013 today! Which means it's time to reflect on the year that has passed and plan for the year ahead.

Just the other day I was thinking to myself, "How would I rate this year? Good, or bad?"

Because every year I either title it as a year that was overall a good year, or a not so good year. So of course my mind started racing. Is a year considered good if more good moments happened? And vice-versa? Is it based on how many good things have happened over bad things? Can one good moment outweigh several bad moments? How do you tell if a moment is bad or good?

Then I thought to myself, how can an entire year be good or bad? There is no such thing as a good or bad year.

I had to stop myself from thinking into this too much, because it's just one of those things that doesn't actually have a real answer.

I did end up reflecting on certain things that have taken place in my life over the past year that have shaped me into a better person, or lead me in a better direction. I feel as if I am finally becoming the person I was always meant to be. Truthfully, I think this is happening because of all my "failures." Like having to move out of our apartment, the job hopping, having to wait to go to college, etc.

It's almost like, when there's nothing to lose you feel more confident in chasing your dreams.

And that's what 2013 has in store for me.

I'm forcing myself to be brave, to try new things, new adventures and to swallow my fear of failing and just go for it! In fact, I've already started this in the past couple of months.

In 2012:

• Graduated high school.
• I started my first blog.
• Submitted a short story for a contest (never heard back, but the point is I sent it!)
• Opened an Etsy shop.
• Started being creative again.

My 2013 Goals:

Personal:

Health - Over a year and a half ago I was a much healthier and fitter person. I ate really good, exercised routinely and took care of myself. I don't have any good excuses for why I let myself slide back into bad habits (eating out a lot, being lazy), other than it was a rough couple of years financially. So this year I want to make a conscious effort to lose weight and get in shape.

Parenting - I used to do a lot more with Sidney. We were always going out and doing things but in the past few months we haven't been until just recently. Partly because I was working a lot before, and then when I wasn't working we didn't have much money. Since we've been busy most days over winter break, it's reminded me how much fun going out is, and that yes it's worth the extra effort and money. Also that there are tons of stuff to do that is free, or very inexpensive. So in 2013 I want to do more, to go out more and be a better, funner parent.

Growth - I want to simplify my life. Declutter my belongings, re-organize my room and start practicing mindfulness. I feel like this will help me to grow as a person. I'm also doing The Magic by Rhonda Byrne, but instead of blogging about it I'm just keeping a journal for now. There's also a course called Seven Paths to Freedom by Curtis Rivers I want to follow as well, maybe after I have completed The Magic.

Professional:

Blog - I would really like to expand my blog and make it better. It's been a good experience so far and I'm enjoying it a lot. I have a lot of ideas I want to do. Add recipes, crafts, maybe even do a series of interviews with other teen moms. I have a feeling this will be a good year for my blog.

Etsy - I opened my vintage shop on Etsy in October and since then have already made 13 sales. I am having so much fun on Etsy and it's proving to be a profitable venture. I have a lot of hobbies and I hope to turn some of them into Etsy shops as well. In fact, I'm working on a new shop right now and will be selling hemp jewelry. I hope to open it in about two weeks. I might even look into participating in craft shows.

Writing - Writing is a passion of mine. I don't put as much time into it as I would like to, or should, but my blog has been helping me get back into the habit of writing every day. For as long as I can remember I wanted to be a novelist. And for the past five years I have been kicking around this one story idea but have been too scared to write it. I've always just thought that I had to write it perfect so that others would enjoy it. Now I've decided to just write it for myself, the way it should be. This year I want to at least start my novel.

College - Once winter break is over and Sidney goes back to school next week I have to go find out about funding and apply for college. If everything works out, and it should, I will be attending college (finally!) this fall! This is huge for me.

Work - Again, once winter break is over I need to start looking for a part time job to help bring in some money. Unfortunately there aren't too many places hiring but I feel confident I will find something within the month.

So that's it. My plans/goals for 2013.

What resolutions or goals have you made for 2013?

Thanks,