My Gratitude Journey From Pessimist to Almost Optimist

 

It's been a few weeks since I last linked up over at Erika's Grad-itude 101. These past few weeks have been kind of difficult for me for certain reasons, and I'm also doing my own little Life Makeover project that is much needed! However, I am super happy to get back into the gratitude link-up fun!

 

Gratitude is something I've been exploring for just over a year now. It's been a life changing experience for me and so I want to share how I first started learning about the benefits of gratitude, and how it's helped me.

 

Last summer while I was working at D3 Artworks Inc., I fell into a pretty bad depression. I had a ton of support from my co-workers, supervisors, friends and family but if you've ever experienced depression you know that sometimes other people just can't help you. I ended up seeing a doctor and got antidepressants which kept me neutral, but I wanted to feel happy, or even just content, not neutral. Sometimes neutral is worse than sadness, it's like you don't feel anything at all. You're just numb.

 

Finally, I realised that if I wanted to feel happy again I was going to have to do something about it.

 

So one day after work I went over to the public library and wandered around the self-help section. The first book to really jump out at me was The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. I had heard about The Secret before. I knew there was a DVD, and my mom tried to get me to listen to the audio CD a couple of years before, but I had brushed it off. All of a sudden I found myself curious about it.

 

Reading The Secret helped me to view life a little differently. Mind you, I don't believe that just thinking things will make them exist. I truly believe in working for things and such, but I took what it had said and applied it a little bit differently to my own life. I started thinking that things were possible.

 

But I needed more than that.

 

 

And then one day I came across another book by Rhonda Byrne called The Magic and it was exactly what I needed. This book talks a lot about gratitude! It's the reason I got into writing gratitude lists. It has 28 exercises for you to do in 28 days. Things like; writing gratitude lists, feeling thankful for what you do have, and appreciating the people who are in your life.

 

For months I carried it everywhere with me, along with a journal and a pen. After I completed the 28 days, I would still flip through it whenever I felt I needed some inspiration, or if I was having a bad day. It was my reminder to feel grateful.

 

I used to be the most pessimistic person I know. I'm not even kidding!

 

Now I'm optimistic. Most of the time.

 

But I can honestly say that I'm happy more often than sad, or angry, or upset in any way.

 

Do you practice gratitude? How did you get into practicing gratitude? Is it something new, or have you been doing it for a long time?

 

Thanks,
Cole

Who am I? And What Keeps Me Sane.

I often lose sight of myself. 

Who am I? What do I want out of life? Where am I going? What am I doing? What am I even thinking? Am I going crazy? Have I already gone crazy? Who is this crazy lady talking to herself?

Oh yeah, it's me.
 

 

 

Hello, world!

 

And yet I still don't know myself.

I am 23 years old tomorrow. I don't care for birthday wishes, presents or parties, but I do want ice cream cake. Hold the candles.

In my (short) life I have learned many things. I have strove to be a better person, and still have fallen flat on my face. Often actually. And in public. But besides my physical clumsiness (which Nick refers to as being absent-minded, not clumsy), I feel like I am constantly struggling to stay up on my feet mentally, spiritually and emotionally. 

There are things that have helped me, though.

Journals

 Picture from DarleneBNemeth

 

Since I first learned how to write I have been writing in a journal. It's the one thing in my life that has kept me sane. Writing down what's going on in my life, my feelings, my hopes, dreams and goals, has some how kept me from a complete and total meltdown. It's helped me keep track of my goals and to-do lists. More importantly though, it's a way to talk about your feelings without having to confess all your deepest, darkest secrets to an actual human being. By writing everything down you can look back on what you were thinking a little bit later with a fresh perspective, and help you realize how completely insane you were. 

The Secret

My Lifesaving Book!

 Picture from The Secret

Yes, The Secret by Rhonda Byrne has been helping me become a more grateful and optimistic person. Over a year ago I would have laughed at this because I thought it seemed very silly. "If you can believe it, it will be yours!" It sounds kind of silly if you think into it too much, but after reading The Secret, and then later on The Magic, I have noticed some major changes in my attitude. From a recovering pessimist, I highly recommend reading The Magic. 

Art

My desk at D3 Artworks Studio

 D3 Artworks Inc.

Last year I had the great fortune to be able to participate in an art program at D3 Artworks. I met a lot of cool people, learned some new skills and had some amazing experiences. All of the employees were so generous, encouraging, understanding and motivating. They made me feel good about myself, and even helped boost my confidence and self-esteem. It's because of the people at D3 Artworks that I was able to start this blog, and open my Etsy shops. They gave me the courage to apply for college and look into funding. They also helped me feel more comfortable with myself. I can't believe I was lucky enough to have that life changing experience. I want everyone in the world to be able to come across something like that one day if they haven't already.

I have a long way to go.

It's been really difficult the past couple of years. Financially I've been struggling to keep up with our bills. Emotionally I've been struggling to feel happy because things aren't exactly how I want them to be. Stress has caused a lot of strain on me physically; weight gain, acne and bad habits. 

And still...

I believe that we can all be whoever we want to be, have the things we want, and live the life we dream of. There will always be obstacles and challenges, but that's what makes us stronger.

This life has been one hell of a ride, and yet I have no regrets. I wouldn't change anything, because the events that have led up to this point have shaped me into the person I am today. 

Instead I continue to look ahead while trying my best to enjoy the present.  

What are some things that keep you sane?

Thanks, 

Happy New Year! 2013

Happy New Year!

It's officially 2013 today! Which means it's time to reflect on the year that has passed and plan for the year ahead.

Just the other day I was thinking to myself, "How would I rate this year? Good, or bad?"

Because every year I either title it as a year that was overall a good year, or a not so good year. So of course my mind started racing. Is a year considered good if more good moments happened? And vice-versa? Is it based on how many good things have happened over bad things? Can one good moment outweigh several bad moments? How do you tell if a moment is bad or good?

Then I thought to myself, how can an entire year be good or bad? There is no such thing as a good or bad year.

I had to stop myself from thinking into this too much, because it's just one of those things that doesn't actually have a real answer.

I did end up reflecting on certain things that have taken place in my life over the past year that have shaped me into a better person, or lead me in a better direction. I feel as if I am finally becoming the person I was always meant to be. Truthfully, I think this is happening because of all my "failures." Like having to move out of our apartment, the job hopping, having to wait to go to college, etc.

It's almost like, when there's nothing to lose you feel more confident in chasing your dreams.

And that's what 2013 has in store for me.

I'm forcing myself to be brave, to try new things, new adventures and to swallow my fear of failing and just go for it! In fact, I've already started this in the past couple of months.

In 2012:

• Graduated high school.
• I started my first blog.
• Submitted a short story for a contest (never heard back, but the point is I sent it!)
• Opened an Etsy shop.
• Started being creative again.

My 2013 Goals:

Personal:

Health - Over a year and a half ago I was a much healthier and fitter person. I ate really good, exercised routinely and took care of myself. I don't have any good excuses for why I let myself slide back into bad habits (eating out a lot, being lazy), other than it was a rough couple of years financially. So this year I want to make a conscious effort to lose weight and get in shape.

Parenting - I used to do a lot more with Sidney. We were always going out and doing things but in the past few months we haven't been until just recently. Partly because I was working a lot before, and then when I wasn't working we didn't have much money. Since we've been busy most days over winter break, it's reminded me how much fun going out is, and that yes it's worth the extra effort and money. Also that there are tons of stuff to do that is free, or very inexpensive. So in 2013 I want to do more, to go out more and be a better, funner parent.

Growth - I want to simplify my life. Declutter my belongings, re-organize my room and start practicing mindfulness. I feel like this will help me to grow as a person. I'm also doing The Magic by Rhonda Byrne, but instead of blogging about it I'm just keeping a journal for now. There's also a course called Seven Paths to Freedom by Curtis Rivers I want to follow as well, maybe after I have completed The Magic.

Professional:

Blog - I would really like to expand my blog and make it better. It's been a good experience so far and I'm enjoying it a lot. I have a lot of ideas I want to do. Add recipes, crafts, maybe even do a series of interviews with other teen moms. I have a feeling this will be a good year for my blog.

Etsy - I opened my vintage shop on Etsy in October and since then have already made 13 sales. I am having so much fun on Etsy and it's proving to be a profitable venture. I have a lot of hobbies and I hope to turn some of them into Etsy shops as well. In fact, I'm working on a new shop right now and will be selling hemp jewelry. I hope to open it in about two weeks. I might even look into participating in craft shows.

Writing - Writing is a passion of mine. I don't put as much time into it as I would like to, or should, but my blog has been helping me get back into the habit of writing every day. For as long as I can remember I wanted to be a novelist. And for the past five years I have been kicking around this one story idea but have been too scared to write it. I've always just thought that I had to write it perfect so that others would enjoy it. Now I've decided to just write it for myself, the way it should be. This year I want to at least start my novel.

College - Once winter break is over and Sidney goes back to school next week I have to go find out about funding and apply for college. If everything works out, and it should, I will be attending college (finally!) this fall! This is huge for me.

Work - Again, once winter break is over I need to start looking for a part time job to help bring in some money. Unfortunately there aren't too many places hiring but I feel confident I will find something within the month.

So that's it. My plans/goals for 2013.

What resolutions or goals have you made for 2013?

Thanks,