I often lose sight of myself.
Who am I? What do I want out of life? Where am I going? What am I doing? What am I even thinking? Am I going crazy? Have I already gone crazy? Who is this crazy lady talking to herself?
Oh yeah, it's me.
Oh yeah, it's me.
And yet I still don't know myself.
I am 23 years old tomorrow. I don't care for birthday wishes, presents or parties, but I do want ice cream cake. Hold the candles.
In my (short) life I have learned many things. I have strove to be a better person, and still have fallen flat on my face. Often actually. And in public. But besides my physical clumsiness (which Nick refers to as being absent-minded, not clumsy), I feel like I am constantly struggling to stay up on my feet mentally, spiritually and emotionally.
There are things that have helped me, though.
Picture from DarleneBNemeth
Since I first learned how to write I have been writing in a journal. It's the one thing in my life that has kept me sane. Writing down what's going on in my life, my feelings, my hopes, dreams and goals, has some how kept me from a complete and total meltdown. It's helped me keep track of my goals and to-do lists. More importantly though, it's a way to talk about your feelings without having to confess all your deepest, darkest secrets to an actual human being. By writing everything down you can look back on what you were thinking a little bit later with a fresh perspective, and help you realize how completely insane you were.
|My Lifesaving Book!|
Picture from The Secret
Yes, The Secret by Rhonda Byrne has been helping me become a more grateful and optimistic person. Over a year ago I would have laughed at this because I thought it seemed very silly. "If you can believe it, it will be yours!" It sounds kind of silly if you think into it too much, but after reading The Secret, and then later on The Magic, I have noticed some major changes in my attitude. From a recovering pessimist, I highly recommend reading The Magic.
|My desk at D3 Artworks Studio|
Last year I had the great fortune to be able to participate in an art program at D3 Artworks. I met a lot of cool people, learned some new skills and had some amazing experiences. All of the employees were so generous, encouraging, understanding and motivating. They made me feel good about myself, and even helped boost my confidence and self-esteem. It's because of the people at D3 Artworks that I was able to start this blog, and open my Etsy shops. They gave me the courage to apply for college and look into funding. They also helped me feel more comfortable with myself. I can't believe I was lucky enough to have that life changing experience. I want everyone in the world to be able to come across something like that one day if they haven't already.
I have a long way to go.
It's been really difficult the past couple of years. Financially I've been struggling to keep up with our bills. Emotionally I've been struggling to feel happy because things aren't exactly how I want them to be. Stress has caused a lot of strain on me physically; weight gain, acne and bad habits.
I believe that we can all be whoever we want to be, have the things we want, and live the life we dream of. There will always be obstacles and challenges, but that's what makes us stronger.
This life has been one hell of a ride, and yet I have no regrets. I wouldn't change anything, because the events that have led up to this point have shaped me into the person I am today.
Instead I continue to look ahead while trying my best to enjoy the present.
What are some things that keep you sane?