Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Parents Should Stop Judging One Another


As Humans, We Judge.

People are always so quick to judge. We judge other people on how they dress, what they eat, their parenting style, their jobs and income, hobbies and likes. It’s a never ending list of things to judge someone on. I’m just as guilty of this as anybody else.

But then…

I had a very wise teacher while I attended an adult learning center to complete my high school credits and graduate. He told my classmates and I that it wasn’t fair to judge people on our beliefs and values, but to judge them on their own. At first I was a little confused by this and while I don’t completely agree with this statement 100%, I finally understand what he meant.

For Example.

If I were living in another country, the laws and beliefs there would be different. I wouldn’t be allowed to go there and follow the laws and beliefs that we have here in Canada without some consequences because they simply do things differently over there.

Another Example.

I’m a one-man kind of girl. And my hubby, Nick, is a one-woman kind of guy. So that works out well for us, but if another couple decides to have an open relationship and the two of them are completely okay with that, as well as the other people they see, who am I to judge them?

However, it would be wrong for one person in the relationship to believe they are allowed to see other people, but their significant other is not allowed. That’s what is known as hypocrisy.

Am I making myself understood or am I just babbling now? Anyway… Back to my main point.

As Parents, We Judge

There are a million different ways to raise a child, and 999, 999 of them are all correct.

I believe that being a parent is the most difficult job there is and it’s also very scary. Make one wrong mistake, and you feel like the biggest failure of all time. We all want what is best for our children; for them to be healthy, happy and successful (whatever that means), and our children are heavily dependent on us parents to provide them with the skills and knowledge to achieve those things.

I think any parent would agree with me when I say that there isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t question my parenting ability and second guess every decision I make.

It’s even more difficult when there are a thousand different resources with a thousand different opinions on parenting. To make matters worse, we have every other mom out there watching our every move, ready to pounce on all of our choices and criticize our decisions. Instead of supporting and helping one another, it feels like other mom’s are all out to get one another. Does anyone else ever feel this way?

So from my own experience I have come up with a short list of the things I feel parents judge other parents on the most.

Top 4 Things Parents Judge Other Parents On:

Eating Habits

This starts right from infancy. There’s the whole breastfeeding over formula arguments, and even though it has been proven time and time again that breast milk is healthiest it’s not always the right decision or even an option. For example, my older sister was not able to produce breast milk for some strange reason, so she had no choice.

Then it starts up again with when to introduce solids, and you know that whole, “only introduce one new food a week” topic that I seemed to forget to do… There’s the whole, “OMG you let your one year old drink apple juice?!” topic, and when is it okay to allow your child to start eating “junk” food?

It only gets more complicated as they get older, too. I really don’t know why other parent’s are so concerned with what other people are feeding their children. How about we give advice to one another on what foods we like to feed our kids, with some tips and tricks we know, but in the end butt out and worry about your own family? Sounds like a deal to me.


This can range from things like sports, dance classes and other after school activities, but it also includes how we choose to let our children spend their spare time.

Some parents might think I let my daughter watch too much television, but then there are parents who have the TV on all the time.

I don’t like the cold, or winter, so we don’t play outside very much in the winter and some people might think that that’s awful. In the summer we’re outside all day though; swimming, playing, going to the park or the beach. 

Bedtime Rituals

Some people think it’s wrong to have children co-sleep with their parents after a certain age, while others are fine with it up to age 6. Personally, once my daughter turned 6 months old I put her in her own bedroom and forced her to fall asleep by herself. My mom thought I was mean because I was okay with letting her cry herself to sleep. Of course I checked on her regularly! First every five minutes, then ten, then twenty… Eventually she was able to fall asleep right away on her own.

It’s not your responsibility to decide what is right for other families. My daughter’s bedtime is 8:30p.m. because she functions well off of 11-12 hours of sleep. My niece’s bedtime is 7:30p.m. because her school starts earlier. Maybe your child only needs 7 hours of sleep, or maybe they need 14 - you know what’s best for your child so don’t worry about what other people say.


I think this is a big one. Disciplining a child is tricky, I know! My daughter has tantrums quite often, and most of the time I just don’t know how to deal with them. I actually have to try and cut sugar out of her diet because she goes nuts and starts misbehaving immediately after she’s had a couple pieces of candy.

I try to do the whole time-out thing, but she won’t sit still and just screams non-stop. I can’t tame her with love, you know, hugging her tight and trying to calm her down because she goes even crazier. Most of the time the only thing that works is to bring her into a quiet room where there is nobody else, turn on a cartoon and just have her veg out for 10 - 15 minutes. 

Every child is different. Every family is different. Therefore every body’s rules and upbringings will be different.

We can give advice on what works for us and our family and children, but we can’t expect it to be the only right way to do things. It’s not fair to judge other parents. Variety and diversity is what makes the world go round, and it’s what makes life so amazing. Plus, it never hurts to keep an open-mind and try new things.

Do you have any opinions on this?


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