Parents Should Stop Judging One Another

 

As Humans, We Judge.

People are always so quick to judge. We judge other people on how they dress, what they eat, their parenting style, their jobs and income, hobbies and likes. It’s a never ending list of things to judge someone on. I’m just as guilty of this as anybody else.

But then…

I had a very wise teacher while I attended an adult learning center to complete my high school credits and graduate. He told my classmates and I that it wasn’t fair to judge people on our beliefs and values, but to judge them on their own. At first I was a little confused by this and while I don’t completely agree with this statement 100%, I finally understand what he meant.

For Example.

If I were living in another country, the laws and beliefs there would be different. I wouldn’t be allowed to go there and follow the laws and beliefs that we have here in Canada without some consequences because they simply do things differently over there.

Another Example.

I’m a one-man kind of girl. And my hubby, Nick, is a one-woman kind of guy. So that works out well for us, but if another couple decides to have an open relationship and the two of them are completely okay with that, as well as the other people they see, who am I to judge them?

However, it would be wrong for one person in the relationship to believe they are allowed to see other people, but their significant other is not allowed. That’s what is known as hypocrisy.

Am I making myself understood or am I just babbling now? Anyway… Back to my main point.

As Parents, We Judge

There are a million different ways to raise a child, and 999, 999 of them are all correct.

I believe that being a parent is the most difficult job there is and it’s also very scary. Make one wrong mistake, and you feel like the biggest failure of all time. We all want what is best for our children; for them to be healthy, happy and successful (whatever that means), and our children are heavily dependent on us parents to provide them with the skills and knowledge to achieve those things.

I think any parent would agree with me when I say that there isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t question my parenting ability and second guess every decision I make.

It’s even more difficult when there are a thousand different resources with a thousand different opinions on parenting. To make matters worse, we have every other mom out there watching our every move, ready to pounce on all of our choices and criticize our decisions. Instead of supporting and helping one another, it feels like other mom’s are all out to get one another. Does anyone else ever feel this way?

So from my own experience I have come up with a short list of the things I feel parents judge other parents on the most.

Top 4 Things Parents Judge Other Parents On:

Eating Habits

This starts right from infancy. There’s the whole breastfeeding over formula arguments, and even though it has been proven time and time again that breast milk is healthiest it’s not always the right decision or even an option. For example, my older sister was not able to produce breast milk for some strange reason, so she had no choice.

Then it starts up again with when to introduce solids, and you know that whole, “only introduce one new food a week” topic that I seemed to forget to do… There’s the whole, “OMG you let your one year old drink apple juice?!” topic, and when is it okay to allow your child to start eating “junk” food?

It only gets more complicated as they get older, too. I really don’t know why other parent’s are so concerned with what other people are feeding their children. How about we give advice to one another on what foods we like to feed our kids, with some tips and tricks we know, but in the end butt out and worry about your own family? Sounds like a deal to me.

Activities

This can range from things like sports, dance classes and other after school activities, but it also includes how we choose to let our children spend their spare time.

Some parents might think I let my daughter watch too much television, but then there are parents who have the TV on all the time.

I don’t like the cold, or winter, so we don’t play outside very much in the winter and some people might think that that’s awful. In the summer we’re outside all day though; swimming, playing, going to the park or the beach. 

Bedtime Rituals

Some people think it’s wrong to have children co-sleep with their parents after a certain age, while others are fine with it up to age 6. Personally, once my daughter turned 6 months old I put her in her own bedroom and forced her to fall asleep by herself. My mom thought I was mean because I was okay with letting her cry herself to sleep. Of course I checked on her regularly! First every five minutes, then ten, then twenty… Eventually she was able to fall asleep right away on her own.

It’s not your responsibility to decide what is right for other families. My daughter’s bedtime is 8:30p.m. because she functions well off of 11-12 hours of sleep. My niece’s bedtime is 7:30p.m. because her school starts earlier. Maybe your child only needs 7 hours of sleep, or maybe they need 14 - you know what’s best for your child so don’t worry about what other people say.

Discipline

I think this is a big one. Disciplining a child is tricky, I know! My daughter has tantrums quite often, and most of the time I just don’t know how to deal with them. I actually have to try and cut sugar out of her diet because she goes nuts and starts misbehaving immediately after she’s had a couple pieces of candy.

I try to do the whole time-out thing, but she won’t sit still and just screams non-stop. I can’t tame her with love, you know, hugging her tight and trying to calm her down because she goes even crazier. Most of the time the only thing that works is to bring her into a quiet room where there is nobody else, turn on a cartoon and just have her veg out for 10 - 15 minutes. 

Every child is different. Every family is different. Therefore every body’s rules and upbringings will be different.

We can give advice on what works for us and our family and children, but we can’t expect it to be the only right way to do things. It’s not fair to judge other parents. Variety and diversity is what makes the world go round, and it’s what makes life so amazing. Plus, it never hurts to keep an open-mind and try new things.

Do you have any opinions on this?

Thanks,

Dealing With In Store Tantrums

Sidney March 2012

Sometimes my daughter gets really hyper, and it seems like she gets more hyper than most other children I know. Usually it’s a happy hyper where she just wants to run around giggling and singing and acting silly. But she also gets an attitude going now and then that seems impossible to deal with, especially when she doesn't get what she wants. She’ll make faces at me, cross her arms and stomp her foot, run away screaming or laughing - just to get on my nerves. It feels like there is just no reasoning with her at these times. 

• I've tried bribing her, 
• rewarding her and praising her when she’s good, 
• time outs when she won’t listen. 
• I've tried to make “deals” with her.
• I've talked to her about how we need to respect each other 
• because we love one another. 
• I've yelled, 
• I've taken her toys away, 
• didn't let her have dessert. 
• I've threatened to call Santa (it used to work…).
• I've sat down calmly and tried talking to her, 
• but still she is just stubborn. 

When We’re Out At Stores

For example, we like to go thrift shopping a lot with my mom and niece. Particularly at this one store that’s a two minute drive from our house. And most of the time we leave with me carrying her out kicking and screaming because I wouldn't let her get another junk toy. I know it’s only $2 or $3, but why does she need another Barbie horse when she’s already got an entire crate full? Why another stuffed animal when she’s got a basket full? Why any more toys when it’s a month away from Christmas and a month after her birthday? 

I've never spoiled her. I've never let her get away with this, yet she still kicks and screams and stomps her feet and yells “You’re being mean and unfair!” And her screaming is LOUD! It’s like this high pitched squealing sound as if she’s being kidnapped and everyone in the store can hear her and is staring at me. It’s actually really embarrassing! 

But still, I hold strong, keep to my rules and never give in to her tantrums. I’m hoping she’ll outgrow this eventually. For now, I just have to keep trying (key word: try) to hold my temper. 

What I Find Works For Us … Sometimes

The times we’re able to leave the thrift store peacefully are maybe two times out of ten and those are such nice times. I have a few methods that will work every now and then. Typically it begins with talking to her before we go out. I don’t do all of these at once, it’s usually one or the other.

• I let her know at home that we’re going out to the thrift store and she’s not allowed to get any toys.
• That if she’s on her best behaviour she can get a book, or a dress.
• That I might let her get a new toy if she donates an old one she no longer plays with (can you believe it’s hard to even get rid of her toys without a tantrum?).
• That she can’t get anything today, but possibly next time.
• I will give her a toonie and tell her that’s all she has to spend, that she can’t get anything that’s more than $1.99 whether she chooses a book, movie, toy, game or dress.
• That if she acts up we’ll leave straight away and she won’t be allowed to go the next time.

I pretty much always keep my word, too. But like I said, it only works sometimes. Why do I even take her there? Because I love thrift shopping, I love spending time with my mom and niece and because Sidney needs to learn (clearly the hard way) that she can’t have everything she wants when she wants it - even if it’s taking her a long time to learn that.

The weird thing is, she’s always on such good behaviour at any other store, restaurant or other outing. It’s only the thrift store. I want to blame my Grandma and my mom for that… They always let her get something when they go out thrift shopping, but I’ll pretend I didn't just write that (sorry mom).

What can you do? Move on, stay strong and love ’em anyway.

How do you deal with your child’s tantrums? Do you have this problem when out at a specific store?

Thanks,