9 Teen Mom Stereotypes, Part Three

7-9 Teen Mom Stereotypes

Stereotype: “a set of inaccurate, simplistic generalizations about a group that allows others to categorize them and treat them accordingly”

This is Part 3 of my list of 9 Teen Mom Stereotypes. You can read 1-3 here, and 4-6 here.

Teen Mom's Families Disown Them

It was during pregnancy that my family and I grew closer. I began to respect my mom more, and looked up to her as a role model. I started spending time with my family, and they quickly became my support system.

My mom was thrilled to help me with Sidney. My dad was proud to be a grandfather. They all believed in me, and that I could still succeed.

Same goes for my friends who were teen moms.

I’m not saying there aren’t teen moms who have been disowned, because there are probably a lot. I just don’t know any, personally.

Teen moms are too immature and inexperienced to properly raise a child

Okay, okay, so maybe I was immature and inexperienced when I got pregnant but by the time Sidney was born I was a whole new person.

I never thought I could become the person that I did. I never knew I had that in me. I went through my high school days thinking I was insignificant, stupid and worthless. Sidney gave me a reason for living, a reason to succeed and motivated me to become a better person.

I’ve noticed this in a lot of my friends. After they found out they were pregnant they changed their entire lives around. If they weren’t already responsible and experienced they quickly became those things.

Teen moms on welfare are lazy

I had to go on welfare once. It really sucked because the amount of money they give you is barely anything. You can’t even afford an apartment unless it’s a grungy bachelor apartment, or you’re lucky enough to stay with family or friends. I was fortunate enough to move back in with my parents and pay them rent, otherwise I don’t know what I would have done!

Teen moms on welfare are more motivated, because who wants to live off $900 a month when the average two bedroom apartment costs $850? Unless you’re fortunate enough to get a subsidized apartment or townhouse (which is a two year waiting list, on average), you’re screwed.

However, welfare helps young mothers graduate high school, puts them in work training programs and gives them resources to become successful. They also point you in the direction to get any other type of assistance you need whether it’s diapers, baby clothes, Christmas gifts, or food. It's a good option when you don't have any others, and most of the young mothers I know who have been, or are on welfare have taken advantage of these programs and were able to find better employment.

Yes, I’m sure some young mothers cheat the system (in fact I know some do), but so do a lot of other people.

Teen moms are just like any other person in society. Some are good, some are bad. Some will graduate high school, some won’t. Some will continue to post-secondary, others won’t. Some will become rich, others will remain in poverty. Some will stay with their baby’s daddy, others will split up. You can say the same things about any type of person, no matter what their situation is or their age.

And to be perfectly honest, before I became a teen mom myself I had a lot of misinterpreted assumptions of them, too.

What’s your opinion on teen moms?

Thanks,

9 Teen Mom Stereotypes, Part Two

Stereotype: “a set of inaccurate, simplistic generalizations about a group that allows others to categorize them and treat them accordingly”

This is Part 2 of my list of 9 Teen Mom Stereotypes. You can read 1-3 here. 

4-6 Teen Mom Stereotypes

Teen moms are single

This stereotype plays true for a lot of teen moms. It would be wrong to say that high school sweethearts will stay together forever. It would be wrong to say that anyone at any age will stay together forever. In today’s society most parent’s are divorced or separated. 

Even so, not all teen moms are single. Some even stay with their child’s father. In fact, my boyfriend Nick and I have been together since I was 16 years old. Our six year anniversary is coming up in February. I know just as many teen moms who are with their baby daddies as I do teen moms who are separated. 

Teen moms are bad mothers

Anyone can be a bad mother, regardless of age. Everyone will sometimes feel like a bad mother, regardless of age. Parenting is one of the most highly judged topics. Everyone has different opinions on what is good parenting, and what’s not. 

But what I’m talking about here is that people assume that a teen mom will be a bad mother in general. Not always true. 

When I became a pregnant, I didn't know a thing about being a mother, but I quickly learned. I ran out and bought What to Expect when You’re Expecting, What to Expect the First Year, What to Expect the Toddler Years, and took out any other parenting book I could. I signed up for babycenter.ca's newsletters.  I researched the best ways to discipline a two year old, when they should start solids, what foods to avoid, sleeping schedules, best baby products. I researched until my brain was about to burst with knowledge. I never assumed once that I knew what I was doing. I would research different sources that had different opinions and advice and try to figure out which one was the best advice for me and Sidney. And a lot of young parents I know did the same thing. Not to mention, we all had our parents support and advice, too.

To say that just because someone is younger automatically makes them a bad parent is wrong. If teenagers are so horrible at taking care of children, then why are so many of them babysitters? 

It is true that some teenagers turn out to be bad mothers. You hear in the news all the time about it, and on television shows but those are worse case scenarios. The media rarely talks about anything good.

Teen moms will never go to post-secondary school

 My friend is in her third year of college and she has a three year old daughter. My other friend just started a Practical Nursing program this year with a two year old. I’m looking into post-secondary school right now for next September. My sister is also a young mom, she had her daughter when she was 19, and she’s looking into a hairstyling program. Having a child doesn’t mean that post-secondary school is not an option. It just means you have some figuring out and planning to do that other teens and twenty something year olds don’t. 

Before I had Sidney I didn’t even seriously consider college. I thought I might go, but probably not. I wasn’t a very motivated person, money never appealed to me the way it did to others. After I had Sidney, money had a whole new meaning, and a successful career became a top priority. If anything, having Sidney motivated me to want to graduate post-secondary school. 

It all comes down to the individual and what they deem important. Becoming a parent when you’re a teenager makes life a little more difficult then if you’re already graduated, or starting your career. Money becomes an issue, school becomes an issue and your social life becomes an issue but just because you have different problems, or different priorities doesn’t mean  you’re destined for failure, will be an awful parent or doomed to remain single. It just means your problems and priorities are different, but every parent faces their own problems and chooses their own priorities at any age. 

Thanks, 

9 Teen Mom Stereotypes, Part One

Christina & Faith - 2008

Stereotype: “a set of inaccurate, simplistic generalizations about a group that allows others to categorize them and treat them accordingly”

Having been a teen mom myself I am very passionate about this topic. I know what it feels like to be judged, and looked down upon for inaccurate judgements. People assume that because you had a child at a young age that you have ruined your life, or perhaps you had it coming. While some of these stereotypes are true for some teen moms, that doesn’t mean they’re true for all teen moms.

So, I made my own personal list of my top 9 teen mom stereotypes that I have had to deal with. I’m going to do this in a three part series simply because the original post was too long.

1 - 3 Teen Mom Stereotypes:

Teen moms are high school dropouts

I dropped out of high school when I had my daughter at the age of 17. However, while this was true for me, and many others, I do know people who were able to stay in high school after they had a baby and graduate on time. Typically it was because they had family at home to help. 

Out of those who did drop out, almost all of them graduated at a later time either through correspondents or at an Adult Learning Center, or both like I did. Every teen mom I’ve met seems to have at least one of the same goals; graduate high school. 

Maybe back in the day most teen moms were destined never to graduate, but these days we have options and the motivation to follow through.

It took my longer than if I didn’t have a baby, but early this year I received my high school diploma and I am proud of that, even if it wasn’t “on time”.

Teen moms are promiscuous or into drugs

This could be true for a number of high school kids, including teen moms. Obviously it’s not true for everyone. In fact, as awkward as it is to say, I got pregnant my very first time having sex and I am still with that same person. So, no, we’re not all easy lays. 

As far as drugs go, I never really got into them. Okay, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t smoke, you know, the ganja when I was younger. I never got into hard drugs. To be honest, I probably would have if I didn’t get pregnant! After becoming pregnant I weeded out a lot of my friends and those friends were into drugs. None of them are parents…

Teen moms live in poverty

I can see why this is a stereotype… It’s not like I’m rich or anything. I don’t think I’m doomed to live in poverty though. As of right now, I am heavily dependent on my family (which sucks), but it wasn’t always this way. By dependent I mean I live at their house, and they help out financially by not charging us rent or grocery money.

When my boyfriend and I found out we were expecting, he immediately went out to look for a good paying job, and luckily my dad was able to get him one. My boyfriend made more money than some of the older adults that we know (including my mom at the time). We were able to buy a car by the time Sidney was born. A year later we saved enough money to rent an apartment and fully furnish it all at once. We lived comfortably in a good neighbourhood.

And this is true for a lot of young parents I know. They have their own apartments, or houses. They have their own cars, and jobs. Their children are in swimming lessons, ballet or gymnastics. They dress stylish, and have everything they need plus more. 

I feel that becoming a mother at a young age made me more responsible with money. I never got the chance to spoil myself with designer clothes, manicures and $100 haircuts. I learned quickly how to cut back on groceries, find the best deals and save money. Even now while Nick and I are looking into school options, making a quarter of what we used to, we can still afford all our bills, and put Sidney in different activities. I have savings accounts for Sidney and myself, and we have a payment plan to pay down our debt. Other than that, we don’t have much money for anything else right now. 

But like I said, we’re looking into post-secondary schools which will lead to better paying jobs. We do not live in poverty, and will not live in poverty. 

Thanks, 

This is Not a Bragging Blog

Sidney at the Library - 2010

I've been following blogs for a while now. One of the topics I like to read about is parenting. However, I find that there are a lot of parenting blogs written by mothers who just talk about how perfect their lives, themselves and their children are. Whether their posts are honest or they only write about the good stuff (most likely), those blogs from time to time leave me in a bad mood and make me feel insignificant as a mother. Other times I do stumble upon great advice and good ideas, so they’re not all bad lol.

Well, this is not one of those blogs. 

I’m just an honest person, writing my experiences as a young mom. I’m someone who makes mistakes and most of the time learns from them. I struggle as a mother every day, wondering if each decision made is the right one.

• I’m an impatient person, 
• especially when we’re running late (which is often). 
• I forget things, 
• I accidentally break promises, 
• I lose my temper, 
• I get depressed,
• I let my daughter eat junk food 
• and sometimes we get bored and go stir-crazy.

Do these things make me a bad person, or worse a bad mother?

I sometimes feel that they do.

• But I also sit down and do crafts, 
• take Sidney to the library, 
• the movie theatre, 
• the museum 
• and community events. 

We go on nature walks and discuss the different things we see. I have taught her to love animals, and respect them. She listens and behaves (most of the time) when we’re out shopping, or at a restaurant. She’s an excellent student who loves to draw and write. All her classmates and teachers adore her, as well as family and friends.

Here’s the thing though; I don’t want to just write about the good stuff. I want to discuss problems I face as a parent, and a young one at that. I want other moms to know that we’re not all perfect (well nobody is, they’re just good at faking it). 

I want this to be a blog where I can openly, and honestly talk about the stuff other people are too scared to admit, because it’s okay to admit we’re not perfect. I don't want this blog to be a brag-fest, a competition or a story about my "perfect" life. 

So let's just be honest with one another, and support each other. Okay?

What are some things you feel you could do better as a parent? What are some things you do amazingly as a parent?

Thanks,

Working Mom Vs. Stay at Home Mom

Cole & Sid - 2011

I’m torn between wanting to be at home with Sidney, and wanting to work. I love making my own money, being independent and having a life of my own, but I miss Sidney too much when I’m out at work. Now that she’s in school full-time it’s not so bad when I’m working during the day, but most of the jobs I get include weekends and evenings. 

My Experience

The best part of working:

• It gets me out of the house
• It gives me a life of my own
• It gives me a sense of accomplishment and pride
• I get to meet new people
• It gives me my own income and financial independence
• I feel like a good role model

I've enjoyed every job I've had for different reasons. I love getting out of the house and making new friends and acquaintances. I can escape my home life when I am in desperate need of a break and go to work. The best part about working though, is making money! You have to admit, having your own money is awesome. You earned it, and can spend it on whatever you want whether it's a new pair of shoes or tucked safely away in your savings. Not to mention, I really do feel like a good role model to Sidney when I go to work. She especially liked it when I was working in the Seafood department at Zehrs because she was able to see the lobsters up close. 

The worst part of working:

• Time away from Sidney
• Housework tends to get behind
• Eat out more often
• Not there for Sidney
• Don’t get enough down time

It was really hard working full-time this summer and having to miss out on all the fun stuff! Like playing in the sprinklers at the park, having picnics and going to the beach. Instead, when I'm at work I just get to hear about it, and see pictures of Sidney enjoying her time with someone else. It's really hard to go to work when Sidney's sick and leave her with my Grandma, when all I want to do is cuddle her. 

The best part of staying at home:

• I get all the housework done regularly
• Healthy meals get made daily
• I get to write every day
• I can be home with Sidney if she gets sick 
• I love being able to drop her off at school and pick her up
• I’m home with Sidney (can’t beat that!)

Staying at home is so much fun because we get to bake, make crafts, play outside and go on adventures. I can get all the laundry done, make healthy meals every night and keep up with all the other housework. I also get to spend time working on my Etsy shop and my writing. I absolutely love walking Sidney to school every morning, and picking her up afterwards. It's such a good feeling to walk her home and hear all about her day at school. 

The worst part of staying at home:

• I get bored really easily
• I feel like I don’t have a life purpose
• I eventually get depressed

I don't know if anyone can relate to this, but when I go more than a week or two without working now that Sidney is in school full-time I start to get depressed! I feel trapped in my house, with nothing to do and feel so unimportant and worthless. It's a weird feeling, and while a lot of people would enjoy the free time it drives me bonkers. I get anxiety from too much spare time because I get bored quickly. I need to constantly be doing things.

Other Parents

Everyone has different opinions when it comes to being a stay-at-home parent, or a working parent, and it’s nothing new. Even in today’s society working moms and stay-at-home moms are judging each other, and looking down on one another. Not all, but some. 

I for one think that it depends on the family, and the individual. It’s a personal choice, one that a lot of parents don’t have. It’s difficult in today’s society to live comfortably on one income which is why a lot of family’s have two working parents. Single parents don’t even have an option. 

For myself, I need to make money. I’m okay with working part-time (as long as it's between 20 and 30 hours weekly) because I don’t need a lot of money and I enjoy being able to do housework and be at home some of the time.

My biggest problem now? Finding a job! 

What are your opinions on this topic? Do you prefer being a stay-at-home parent? Or a working parent?

Thanks, 

Survive Moving Back in With Your Parents

Sidney enjoying the backyard - 2009

A lot of young parents that I know have lived, or still live with their parents for support. Especially while they are still teenagers in high school. Other young parents that I know have managed to get out on their own and fully support themselves either as single parents, or with a partner.

I have done both. I lived with my parents until Sidney was just over a year old and then Nick and I got our own apartment. We lived in our apartment for three and a half years, up until we could no longer afford it after Nick was laid off from work. We tried keeping out apartment for more than a year, both of us working minimum wage, but it was too difficult and stressful. I guess you just have to figure out when to call it quits.

Now we are living at my parents again. This time is different though. When we lived here before we were young and anxious to move out. This time we're taking advantage of our situation to pay off debt, save money and go to school.

Of course, there are downsides to both circumstances.

Living with Parents/In-laws

It can be hard living under someone else's roof. Especially if they're your parents or in-laws. There are a lot of awkward situations to deal with. The two biggest problems I face are having my own personal space and time, and helping out with the housework.

Personal Space

My mom and dad gave us the basement, which is one of the biggest rooms in the house. However, we have to fit an entire apartment in our room, and store the rest in the garage. Our little room is currently holding two beds, a couch, an entertainment unit, a dresser, a computer desk and two bookshelves. It is so cramped, but it's the only space we have. My parents never come into my room, which is something that is important when living with parents. You have to set boundaries - that is your space, even if it is their house because we all need our privacy. My main issue with this is making my room feel comfortable and cozy, something that needs to be fixed if I'm going to live here happily.

Housework

My family is different from many. I say this because we have a lot people living in one small house. All it takes is for each person to leave a couple of their things out and the house is trashed. By the end of the day almost every dish is dirty. The biggest problem is that everyone is busy with work and their lives and plan on "getting around to it." This is a problem, but the only way in dealing with this is to pick up after myself and my daughter, and help out with the dishes, sweeping, cooking and other housework when I can. Obviously our own laundry is our own responsibility, and I try not to hog the washing machine.

Abiding the Rules

I don't  necessarily have this problem, my parents are extremely lenient. All I can say is that when they do ask something of me I try to respect them by doing it. After all, this is their house and they're doing me a favor by letting us live here.

The Benefits

There are benefits to living at my parent's house, most of them financial.

• It's cheaper than renting an apartment
• I have more help with Sidney
• I have live-in babysitters for planned nights out (which isn't very often)
• I can go to school
• I can pay off my debt instead of building it
• I can save my money
• And to top it off, we have a backyard!

Then there is the odd time I feel like a loser for having to move back in with my parents. Nothing like a blow to the self-esteem than feeling like a failure. Not only does it feel like I have failed, but I feel bad that my daughter has to go through this, too. I see my friends who have their own apartments or houses, and the things they can provide for their children and I feel bad that I can't do that for Sidney. She can't have a princess room any more. She doesn't get those quiet, one-on-one times with mommy as often. My daughter is five years old, she doesn't even realize these things. She loves living at Grandma's house  She gets to play with her cousin every day, spend time with her beloved family and play outside whenever she wants  Still, I feel like I should have worked harder, been smarter, done better. I guess now is the best time to work on these things, no time like the present.

The truth is there are a lot of adults living with their parents these days. Whether they never left, or had to move back. Most of my friends in their early twenties are still living at their parent's houses. So I try to convince myself there's nothing wrong with it and I guess there isn't.

Are you still living with your folks? How old were you when you moved out? Did you ever have to move back in?

Thanks, 

Introducing Young Mommy, Nicole

Hello and welcome!

Nick and Cole - 2007

My name is Nicole, but I prefer Cole.

It seems only right that I introduce myself and explain a little bit about my past, my present and my future.

 

Past

I had a baby when I was seventeen. 

Being a teen mom was one of the hardest things I have ever gone through, but it was also the most rewarding as I’m sure any parent at any age will tell you. Of course every parent has their own struggles, each different and unique but can almost always be related to one another.

Having a baby at a young age really flipped my life upside down.

• I dropped out of high school.
• I stopped having a social life.
• I grew closer with my parents.
• I was forced to be responsible.
• And I felt I finally had a purpose, a reason to wake up every morning.

Fortunately for me I had, and still have, an awesome family who has been nothing but supportive and generous. My mom showed me the ropes of motherhood with everything from breastfeeding, to soothing Sidney (that’s my daughter’s name!) to sleep. I was not one of those teenagers who took up babysitting for a part-time gig. In fact, my daughter’s diaper was the first diaper I had ever changed. 

Actually…

I was an irresponsible teenager who couldn’t keep a job, 

stayed out late partying and 

was disrespectful towards authority. 

I listened to angry anarchist punk music, 

wore Doc Marten boots and 

went on rants about inequality. 

Surprisingly though I was a virgin and got pregnant my first time ever having sex. So YES you can get pregnant the first time! And not all teen moms are sluts, so don‘t stereotype. Just saying.

In fact, Sidney’s father (Nick) and I are still together. When Nick found out I was pregnant a month into our relationship he surprisingly stayed. What a moron! Haha, just kidding. My dad got him a great paying job where he worked, and Nick took the responsibility of being the provider. Almost 6 years later we’re still together. They say it’s the worst of times that keep a couple strong and bring them closer together. I think that saying must be right because Nick and I have been through a lot together, and our relationship has only gotten stronger.

Present

Well through hard work and determination I graduated high school! I took correspondents (courses through the mail) and when that started to take too long I went to an adult learning center. So, now I have my high school diploma and I am looking into college programs.

I’ve been working odd jobs here and there, anything to keep the cash coming in. Even though Nick and I had our own apartment, after his place of employment shut down and he got laid off we weren’t able to keep up with the rent. Luckily for us my parents were willing to let us live with them again.

Now Nick and I are both working odd jobs and looking into post-secondary school. Living at my parents house has given us the chance to go for our dreams. It also helps that Sidney is now 5 years old and in school full-time.

Even though I am currently 22 years old I have grown a lot. I can’t even recognize the person I was almost six years ago. Like really, what was I thinking? I might still wear my Docs, and have strong beliefs, but I have calmed down in every other way. I hold my tongue, I’ve toned down the make-up and traded my zebra print pants and ripped up band shirts for a more casual look. 

All stressful things aside ($$$), I’m happy with where I am. My daughter has grown up to be an intelligent, caring and beautiful little girl and I couldn’t be more proud of her. 

Future

I have no idea what the future holds for me, but I have a feeling it’s going to be great! Truly, I never pictured myself where I am today but I like it. 

I also have a lot of goals. They change, and some get scratched off the list altogether, but I think it’s good to keep track of things you want to achieve.

My Current Goals?

• Go to college
• Become healthier through healthy eating and exercise
• Pay off debt, and save money

I understand that it takes a lot of work and determination to complete goals, but I’m so ready for the challenge.

What are some of your goals?

Thanks,