WARNING: A bit of whining ahead. And a pretty flower.
I've been having a tough time financially. Our bills exceed our income, and we're falling behind.
It's been difficult to try and stay positive during this time in my life, but when you have a daughter to raise you have to stay strong. I can only fake a smile for so long though, before I break down and want to cry. This summer hasn't been a completely enjoyable one but we've been trying our best to give Sidney a great vacation before school starts up in September and she's off to grade 1.
Luckily, there are many free activities in Cambridge. Free swimming, movies downtown, events at the library and there's always the park. My Mom and Grandma have also been very kind and generous with their time and money. They've been here to take us out almost every day.
I was looking for a part-time job, but with just over a month left before college I don't see the point any more. No one wants to hire someone who will only be there for a very short length of time.
So we cut back on spending, we cut back so much there's nothing left to cut back on.
To make matters worse, a few weeks ago my laptop broke. I had to buy a new one because I will need it for school.
This morning my daughter knocked my camera off of the table, and the lens broke! Which I also need for school. I can't afford to replace it.
Right after I saw what happened I ran to my room, threw myself on my bed and cried. I just couldn't take any more financial stress. I cried for a good 10 minutes, hard, painful cries that I tried to muffle in my pillow. It felt kind of stupid to cry over a broken camera lens, but I was also crying for all the other things in my life that just haven't been working out for me.
After a while I made myself stop, because I realized that Sidney was hiding in her room feeling bad for having knocked it over. I don't want her to feel bad, I shouldn't have left it out - if only I had put it away right after transferring my pictures to the computer. We had a nice little chat and she didn't feel quite so bad afterwards.
Once I calmed the two of us down I did a bit of research. Turns out I can buy a replacement piece (which is apparently called a bayonet mount) for about $10 directly from Nikon. With the many YouTube tutorials and blog articles on how to fix it yourself I'm sure my mom and I can get it put back together again. I say my mom and I because I know I lack the patience required to fix things.
And truth be told, I'm scared to tell my boyfriend that I broke our camera. He bought it for me as a gift 5 years ago and I know he will be just as upset. It sucks when something you've worked hard for, were always so careful with, and truly loved gets broken.
No point in sitting around wallowing over it though, is there? It won't change anything, it won't fix my lens or make a new one magically appear. It will only make me feel bad, and I'm so tired of allowing myself to feel bad.
Now, if I can only find a quick and easy fix for the rest of my finances - or at least a realistic solution!
This is not a great start to my new college adventure.