9 Teen Mom Stereotypes, Part One

Christina & Faith - 2008

Stereotype: “a set of inaccurate, simplistic generalizations about a group that allows others to categorize them and treat them accordingly”

Having been a teen mom myself I am very passionate about this topic. I know what it feels like to be judged, and looked down upon for inaccurate judgements. People assume that because you had a child at a young age that you have ruined your life, or perhaps you had it coming. While some of these stereotypes are true for some teen moms, that doesn’t mean they’re true for all teen moms.

So, I made my own personal list of my top 9 teen mom stereotypes that I have had to deal with. I’m going to do this in a three part series simply because the original post was too long.

1 - 3 Teen Mom Stereotypes:

Teen moms are high school dropouts

I dropped out of high school when I had my daughter at the age of 17. However, while this was true for me, and many others, I do know people who were able to stay in high school after they had a baby and graduate on time. Typically it was because they had family at home to help. 

Out of those who did drop out, almost all of them graduated at a later time either through correspondents or at an Adult Learning Center, or both like I did. Every teen mom I’ve met seems to have at least one of the same goals; graduate high school. 

Maybe back in the day most teen moms were destined never to graduate, but these days we have options and the motivation to follow through.

It took my longer than if I didn’t have a baby, but early this year I received my high school diploma and I am proud of that, even if it wasn’t “on time”.

Teen moms are promiscuous or into drugs

This could be true for a number of high school kids, including teen moms. Obviously it’s not true for everyone. In fact, as awkward as it is to say, I got pregnant my very first time having sex and I am still with that same person. So, no, we’re not all easy lays. 

As far as drugs go, I never really got into them. Okay, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t smoke, you know, the ganja when I was younger. I never got into hard drugs. To be honest, I probably would have if I didn’t get pregnant! After becoming pregnant I weeded out a lot of my friends and those friends were into drugs. None of them are parents…

Teen moms live in poverty

I can see why this is a stereotype… It’s not like I’m rich or anything. I don’t think I’m doomed to live in poverty though. As of right now, I am heavily dependent on my family (which sucks), but it wasn’t always this way. By dependent I mean I live at their house, and they help out financially by not charging us rent or grocery money.

When my boyfriend and I found out we were expecting, he immediately went out to look for a good paying job, and luckily my dad was able to get him one. My boyfriend made more money than some of the older adults that we know (including my mom at the time). We were able to buy a car by the time Sidney was born. A year later we saved enough money to rent an apartment and fully furnish it all at once. We lived comfortably in a good neighbourhood.

And this is true for a lot of young parents I know. They have their own apartments, or houses. They have their own cars, and jobs. Their children are in swimming lessons, ballet or gymnastics. They dress stylish, and have everything they need plus more. 

I feel that becoming a mother at a young age made me more responsible with money. I never got the chance to spoil myself with designer clothes, manicures and $100 haircuts. I learned quickly how to cut back on groceries, find the best deals and save money. Even now while Nick and I are looking into school options, making a quarter of what we used to, we can still afford all our bills, and put Sidney in different activities. I have savings accounts for Sidney and myself, and we have a payment plan to pay down our debt. Other than that, we don’t have much money for anything else right now. 

But like I said, we’re looking into post-secondary schools which will lead to better paying jobs. We do not live in poverty, and will not live in poverty. 

Thanks, 

Christmas Parade

Christmas Parade 2009

Tonight is the Christmas parade, and I'm not there. I can't help but feel guilty about it (I actually cried for a little bit), but what can I do? 

Some how I've managed to get strep throat and my whole body is feeling it. My throat hurts, my muscles hurt, I have a headache and I feel slightly disoriented when standing for too long. 

It came about last night. My mom and I were out shopping with the Sidney and her cousin Faith, when I started to feel really awful. By 10 p.m. last night I knew I was sick. This morning I realized I had strep throat, but the muscle aches and headaches were gone so I showered and dressed and went out with my mom and the kids again for some more Christmas shopping. Well, that was a bad idea because now I feel awful again and I have to miss the parade. 

To be honest, Christmas parades really aren't that fun. It's cold outside, we never get a good view, they last forever and by the end of it the kids are tired and cranky, but I still hate missing out on it. I love seeing how excited Sidney is throughout the parade, especially when Santa and Mrs. Claus go by. 

I'm just glad her Daddy took her along with her Aunt and cousin. At least she's not missing out. And even though I feel bad for not going, I know Sidney doesn't mind. I was going to try and go, but I was too irritable and my grumpiness would have ruined it. I'm also a little bit sad about not being able to get pictures... Another blank spot in my family albums lol.

Is it just me who feels guilty over simple things? Or is it a mom thing? 

Thanks, 

This is Not a Bragging Blog

Sidney at the Library - 2010

I've been following blogs for a while now. One of the topics I like to read about is parenting. However, I find that there are a lot of parenting blogs written by mothers who just talk about how perfect their lives, themselves and their children are. Whether their posts are honest or they only write about the good stuff (most likely), those blogs from time to time leave me in a bad mood and make me feel insignificant as a mother. Other times I do stumble upon great advice and good ideas, so they’re not all bad lol.

Well, this is not one of those blogs. 

I’m just an honest person, writing my experiences as a young mom. I’m someone who makes mistakes and most of the time learns from them. I struggle as a mother every day, wondering if each decision made is the right one.

• I’m an impatient person, 
• especially when we’re running late (which is often). 
• I forget things, 
• I accidentally break promises, 
• I lose my temper, 
• I get depressed,
• I let my daughter eat junk food 
• and sometimes we get bored and go stir-crazy.

Do these things make me a bad person, or worse a bad mother?

I sometimes feel that they do.

• But I also sit down and do crafts, 
• take Sidney to the library, 
• the movie theatre, 
• the museum 
• and community events. 

We go on nature walks and discuss the different things we see. I have taught her to love animals, and respect them. She listens and behaves (most of the time) when we’re out shopping, or at a restaurant. She’s an excellent student who loves to draw and write. All her classmates and teachers adore her, as well as family and friends.

Here’s the thing though; I don’t want to just write about the good stuff. I want to discuss problems I face as a parent, and a young one at that. I want other moms to know that we’re not all perfect (well nobody is, they’re just good at faking it). 

I want this to be a blog where I can openly, and honestly talk about the stuff other people are too scared to admit, because it’s okay to admit we’re not perfect. I don't want this blog to be a brag-fest, a competition or a story about my "perfect" life. 

So let's just be honest with one another, and support each other. Okay?

What are some things you feel you could do better as a parent? What are some things you do amazingly as a parent?

Thanks,

Hilarious Things I Wrote in My Pregnancy Journal

Cole 2007

I've been keeping journals since I was 7 years old, and for some reason I felt like reading the one I wrote when I was pregnant. And, okay, it was just hilarious to read. A little depressing, but thinking back on that time I was definitely a drama queen.

Mix teenage girl hormones, with a first time serious boyfriend and pregnancy hormones and what do you get? I very unstable, emotional and somewhat crazy person. Seriously.

Funny things I wrote in my pregnancy journal:

1. I went to Shade's Mill Beach today. It's actually kind of nice, I just wish they had a food stand.
2. I'm just this fat, bitchy, sloth that walks around eating and bitching at everyone.
3. I might as well be dead. I'm so useless.
4. Next week is the first week back to school. Ha ha stupid students! I'm so glad I don't have to go back.
5. Yeah, the pregnant one had no date and just looked like some knocked up slut.
6. I ate so much at the buffet that I almost threw up in my mouth when I tried to pick my purse up off the floor. My mom had to grab it for me. 
7. I have a cold, I have a sty and a stomach ache. All I want to do is sleep for the next month... Except on weekends, October is the best month ever.
8. My doctor told me I had to stop eating so much junk food, Ha! 
9. Yesterday Nick and I finally made our gingerbread house. It looks cool, but I already ate one of the walls.
10. Some how I managed to gain ten pounds in one week. The nurse's eyes almost bulged out of her head and then she said, "Oh my!"
11. On the way to the store we passed the soup kitchen. A man was chasing a woman and stole her walkman. She couldn't get it back so she called him a "f@*#ing goof." Then he threw a rock at her head.
12. Weekends aren't long enough. Didn't go to Home Depot. Didn't get Sidney's dresser. However, did get a yummy pumpkin spice coffee!
13. One of Nick's friends is pregnant. Who knows, maybe she isn't so annoying any more and  Sid and I can have a friend each now, but that's just wishful thinking.
14. I haven't bothered to wear make-up or change my clothes since Sunday, but today I did. (written on a Wednesday)
15. The only way I can fall asleep is if I make a nest for myself in the center of the bed with three comforters, five pillows and then watch Wayne's World. 

Does anyone else keep journals? Do you ever read them later? I always find them embarrassing, yet hilarious years later.

Thanks, 

Nicole

Working Mom Vs. Stay at Home Mom

Cole & Sid - 2011

I’m torn between wanting to be at home with Sidney, and wanting to work. I love making my own money, being independent and having a life of my own, but I miss Sidney too much when I’m out at work. Now that she’s in school full-time it’s not so bad when I’m working during the day, but most of the jobs I get include weekends and evenings. 

My Experience

The best part of working:

• It gets me out of the house
• It gives me a life of my own
• It gives me a sense of accomplishment and pride
• I get to meet new people
• It gives me my own income and financial independence
• I feel like a good role model

I've enjoyed every job I've had for different reasons. I love getting out of the house and making new friends and acquaintances. I can escape my home life when I am in desperate need of a break and go to work. The best part about working though, is making money! You have to admit, having your own money is awesome. You earned it, and can spend it on whatever you want whether it's a new pair of shoes or tucked safely away in your savings. Not to mention, I really do feel like a good role model to Sidney when I go to work. She especially liked it when I was working in the Seafood department at Zehrs because she was able to see the lobsters up close. 

The worst part of working:

• Time away from Sidney
• Housework tends to get behind
• Eat out more often
• Not there for Sidney
• Don’t get enough down time

It was really hard working full-time this summer and having to miss out on all the fun stuff! Like playing in the sprinklers at the park, having picnics and going to the beach. Instead, when I'm at work I just get to hear about it, and see pictures of Sidney enjoying her time with someone else. It's really hard to go to work when Sidney's sick and leave her with my Grandma, when all I want to do is cuddle her. 

The best part of staying at home:

• I get all the housework done regularly
• Healthy meals get made daily
• I get to write every day
• I can be home with Sidney if she gets sick 
• I love being able to drop her off at school and pick her up
• I’m home with Sidney (can’t beat that!)

Staying at home is so much fun because we get to bake, make crafts, play outside and go on adventures. I can get all the laundry done, make healthy meals every night and keep up with all the other housework. I also get to spend time working on my Etsy shop and my writing. I absolutely love walking Sidney to school every morning, and picking her up afterwards. It's such a good feeling to walk her home and hear all about her day at school. 

The worst part of staying at home:

• I get bored really easily
• I feel like I don’t have a life purpose
• I eventually get depressed

I don't know if anyone can relate to this, but when I go more than a week or two without working now that Sidney is in school full-time I start to get depressed! I feel trapped in my house, with nothing to do and feel so unimportant and worthless. It's a weird feeling, and while a lot of people would enjoy the free time it drives me bonkers. I get anxiety from too much spare time because I get bored quickly. I need to constantly be doing things.

Other Parents

Everyone has different opinions when it comes to being a stay-at-home parent, or a working parent, and it’s nothing new. Even in today’s society working moms and stay-at-home moms are judging each other, and looking down on one another. Not all, but some. 

I for one think that it depends on the family, and the individual. It’s a personal choice, one that a lot of parents don’t have. It’s difficult in today’s society to live comfortably on one income which is why a lot of family’s have two working parents. Single parents don’t even have an option. 

For myself, I need to make money. I’m okay with working part-time (as long as it's between 20 and 30 hours weekly) because I don’t need a lot of money and I enjoy being able to do housework and be at home some of the time.

My biggest problem now? Finding a job! 

What are your opinions on this topic? Do you prefer being a stay-at-home parent? Or a working parent?

Thanks,